Adolescence is the time when hormones are boiling, when young girls discover love and sex. An important moment of experimentation, under the attentive and benevolent gaze of their parents. They may be worried, so it is interesting to be able to dialogue and express your fears.

According to Andréa Cauchoix, Love Coach, it is interesting for parents to question the reasons why this boyfriend does not please:

• Is it because he has a bad influence? And in this case, what are the values ​​that are called into question in these new behaviors;
• Is it rather in the actions that the young girl will undertake? By this we mean sex, late nights, sleepless nights, travel, etc.

During our certification, we are studying this request and several of my colleagues have accompanied parents and their children in the dialogue.

It is important for young women to be able to experience romantic relationships. “They often throw themselves headlong into their first relationships and invest a lot”. Parents may be taken aback by this time, which had previously been spent together, becomes reserved for another person, outside the “circle of trust” as Robert De Niro calls it in the film “My stepfather and me”.

The love coach specifies that “it is normal that at this time, the young girl is less inclined to share her experiences. It is a matter of his privacy. But it’s important to let her have her experiences and respect her choices. As long as they don’t put his life in danger of course ”.

If the parents wish to bring up the subject, perhaps the young girl should be allowed time to come to them. Give him room to express himself, to talk about this relationship.

“Maybe this boyfriend has some very positive aspects that parents don’t see. They must show curiosity and open-mindedness to find this young boy. Maybe they can ask the girl what she likes about him. They might be surprised by the answer ”.

Without using the famous phrase “but what do you think of him? », He therefore advised to put his emotions aside to really enter into a dialogue and try to see the boyfriend through the eyes of his child by listening to him, by observing him.

Sometimes parents’ concerns are well founded and it is their responsibility to intervene to end a toxic relationship.

Andréa Cauchoix thus recalls that if this boyfriend presents a behavior:

• dangerous;
• brutal;
• encourages the use of drugs or alcohol;
• manipulates the girl to achieve her ends, whether for money or sex;
• has too great a difference in age or maturity;
• it takes him away from his friends, from his family, he isolates him little by little.

In these different cases, it is essential to intervene. Dialogue, sometimes geographic distance, can be a good solution. Stay tuned and be accompanied by a professional, educator, psychologist, attending physician … You should not be alone, because the teenager will not necessarily hear the words of her parents, but her friends, a professional can. get out of his illusion.

When a young girl changes her behavior and puts her health, schooling and friendships at risk, she is in the grip. She is no longer able to take distance from what she gives. The boyfriend vampires her and can make her lose confidence in her.

Psychologists point out that these adolescent stories are for the most part fleeting. This boyfriend is not a member of the family, and it is good to respect this distance, which will allow the young girl to end the relationship when she wishes. The family cocoon is there to guarantee this freedom of choice. If the parents have bonded too strongly with the boy, the girl will feel guilty for stopping her.

His relationships refer parents to their own love stories, their own experiences, sufferings and fears, such as joys and lost loves. They should not transpose or attempt to relive or vicariously repair their stories through those of their daughter.

Finding the right distance, a position that is both benevolent and attentive, is not easy. Emotions run high. Stay open, dialogue, and let experiment to grow. The heartaches too, are part of life and build the teenager.