«I don’t like makeup»

“I never used cosmetics, my mother repeated: “Let the ugly girls wear makeup, and you are already beautiful!” I considered myself as such, however, wondering why no one except me notices this, says 27-year-old guide Marina. — Once a friend persuaded me to go to a makeup artist with her for company.

And suddenly I saw in the mirror a stranger who was not only more beautiful, but much happier than me. I wanted to look at her again — and I began to study, because I did not know how to take care of myself at all. Gradually, looking at the “other” woman from the mirror, I began to change myself, stopped thinking that I was an unappreciated beauty, and felt like just a woman. And it turned out to be very nice.”

“Perhaps these women are already so confident in themselves, they accept themselves as they are,” says psychotherapist Tatyana Voskresenskaya. However, for some, the rejection of cosmetics is not a conscious decision, but a consequence of unresolved problems. Which ones?

I don’t want to (myself) like

“Makeup is a sign that a woman is interested in attention and is ready to receive this attention,” continues the psychotherapist. “Not wearing makeup could mean she refuses to make the effort to please.” A woman may feel that she no longer needs to try to be attractive. For example, because she became a mother, because she is getting old, or appearance does not matter in her usual environment.

There is nothing wrong if you value not appearance more, but other components of life. It is important that this does not hide signs of depression — when any look at yourself in the mirror causes painful feelings, when there is a feeling that any efforts are meaningless, that you are no longer destined to be loved, desired …

“It is especially alarming if, refusing makeup, a woman refuses to take care of herself and her body in other ways,” says Tatyana Voskresenskaya.

I try to be «honest»

“When I paint, I have an unpleasant feeling that I am impersonating someone else,” admits 23-year-old Arina.

“The belief that“ you need to be honest ”, as well as ideas about how this honesty is expressed, we take out from childhood, from our family,” explains psychotherapist Elena Ulitova. “The unconscious fear of censure not only prevents you from following your desires, but also limits the desires themselves if they conflict with the rules adopted in the family.”

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A woman may at the same time sincerely believe that she does not at all want to wear makeup or wear other clothes than baggy gray suits.

I deny a part of myself

Women who advocate natural beauty are not always as free as one might think. “Some downplay the feminine in order to look masculine,” says psychoanalyst Virginie Meggle. “By leaving the face “naked”, they seek to prove that they do not need anything … but this is the result of the work of psychological defenses.”

Where does this fear of looking vulnerable come from? It may be the result of a rebellion against parental prescriptions such as «for a woman, the main thing is to be able to please.» Or, conversely, a manifestation of obedience: “it is more important to be smart than a beautiful dummy!”.

Fear of showing your femininity may also arise due to the fact that she caused rejection in the family where the girl grew up. For example, parents wanted a son and were disappointed by the birth of a daughter. Or the girl was jealous of her brother, who was allowed much more, and explained her “defeat in rights” by her belonging to the female sex.

What to do?

Take care of yourself

You can appreciate your appearance and choose those ways of self-care that are pleasant. “Look at makeup not as a means of “improving” yourself, but as a game,” advises Tatyana Voskresenskaya. “It allows you to create new images of “I”, express your changing mood, discover unexpected sides in yourself, try on other social roles.”

Test your beliefs

“Write a phrase about what you do or don’t do,” advises Elena Ulitova. For example: «I don’t use makeup.» Then add «because…» Now complete the phrase.

Options like “because it’s better,” “it’s necessary,” “that’s what smart women do” suggest that this is an imposed belief. If the phrase ended, for example, like this: “… it’s good for me”, “improves my mood”, “gives me pleasure”, — your own.

In case you want to change your belief, try to look at the situation differently without criticism: what your parents believed was right when they were young, but perhaps things are different for you now.

Understand your history

“Ask yourself: what was the idea of ​​femininity in my family? says Virginie Meggle. Who would I like to be like? To paint means to be liberated, to be freed. And above all — from the power of the mother: by doing makeup, a woman asserts her right to no longer be the little girl she was born. And then, if they want to see a woman beautiful, this does not mean that they only want this from her!