“Just don’t touch my hair!” Some of us try to cut our hair as little as possible, and there are those who would rather not cross the threshold of the hairdresser at all. What does this rejection mean?
“A hairdresser, whom my mother considered the best, came to our house from my very childhood. She cut the hair of all family members, but she always made bob cuts for me. I did not like this haircut, but I was embarrassed to say it out loud. I graduated from the institute, got married and continued to wear a bob all this time. Only when my husband and I began to live separately, I ventured to go to a beauty salon. I came out with a short hedgehog, feeling like a traitor … and a winner! But most importantly, for the first time I felt like myself.”
Anna, 36 years old, dentist
“My dad is the best hairdresser! says Daria, 34, a graphic designer. – I come to his dacha, sit down on the veranda with wet hair, he takes out scissors and a level with an air bubble from the tool box – to cut evenly. One or two and you’re done!” As a child, parents managed to lure little Dasha to the hairdresser a couple of times a year with long persuasion and promises of ice cream. But as an adult, she resolutely refused to “give her head into the wrong hands.” Those who, like her, avoid professional concerns about the beauty of their hair, are sometimes reproached for whims and even slovenliness. However, behind the dislike for coloring, styling and other procedures, there are deeper reasons than a simple whim.
I’m shy
“A hairdressing salon, if you look at it with an open mind, is indeed a strange place,” notes Elena Shuvarikova, a Gestalt therapist. – Intimate, in essence, procedures take place in a public place. And that can cause anxiety and shame.” Especially since the division of the halls into male and female has disappeared – and we appear before each other in an unfinished and imperfect form, revealing all the ins and outs of our attractiveness. “In addition, hair is associated with sexuality,” adds psychoanalyst Sylvie Latrémolière. – We have “hair that can be seen” on our heads. It turns out that we trust our erogenous zones not to a partner, but to a third party, and even in front of others. Naturally, not everyone is ready for this.”
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- Me and my hairdresser
I avoid touch
The scalp is very sensitive and some people don’t like being touched at all. “Such people live without feeling safe,” explains Elena Shuvarikova. – Trust in the world can be broken if, for example, in childhood, the mother rarely took the child in her arms (although she probably talked to him a lot) or wanted to see him older than he was, treating him like an adult, and not like with child. In the future, this is reflected in his character: such a person identifies himself more with the mind, and not with the body. The physical shell for him is a kind of blind spot, an area of vulnerability. He perceives other people’s touches as a threat and therefore tries to evade them.
I protect my “I”
Already during the washing of the hair, we throw our heads back, and this position itself invites us to relax. But there are those who prefer to remain vigilant. “Hair in European culture is a symbol of strength,” Sylvie Latremolier points out, referring to the legend of the strong man Samson: he was cut while he was sleeping, and he lost his power. Also, the head symbolically represents our “I”. “For some, touching the head or hair means encroaching on their self-image,” Elena Shuvarikova notes. And who will like it when, in response to a request to trim their hair, the hairdresser cuts off a few centimeters! But this happens – hence the fear of becoming a target for comments like: “You don’t look like yourself with this hairstyle …”
What to do?
Live calmly. Don’t like going to the hairdresser? There is nothing special about this, experts say. You can find other ways to deal with the problem. For example, ask a skilled friend for help with a good pair of scissors.
Get to know yourself. Try combing your hair in front of a mirror. What facial expression do you have – are you frowning or smiling to yourself? Change the parting, comb your hair back, tousle it … See how the change in appearance is reflected in your feelings. And then close your eyes and slowly run your hand through your hair from your forehead to the back of your head. What thoughts and memories come to you? Remember and reflect on your experiences. As we get to know ourselves better, the anxiety we feel about opening up to others decreases.
Enter into a dialogue. Failures with a hairstyle sometimes happen due to the fact that we are not able to explain what we are waiting for. A professional has his own opinion on what will suit us, but we would like our opinion to be taken into account! It makes sense to think in advance what kind of haircut or styling we want, maybe even pick up a photo. And then discuss all this in detail with the hairdresser – even before he gets down to business. If you are worried – do not hesitate to confess, this will help the master to treat you more attentively. Another form of dialogue is word of mouth. Ask your friends, they often help us find “their” specialist. After all, a good hairdresser is like a good psychotherapist – they are not always found in the directory.