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They do not have pets and avoid contact with their friends’ pets. “Animals smell bad, they make a lot of dirt,” they say. What is the real reason for this hostility?
“When I visit friends, I ask them to quickly lock their English bulldog in another room,” admits 27-year-old Ekaterina. She is not afraid of dogs, she just “can’t stand their presence”. Like Catherine, people who do not like animals often experience irritation, disgust, or, conversely, are absolutely indifferent to the animal world. “Often, such rejection hides the inability to accept the open manifestation of the instinctive nature inherent in all animals, their spontaneity and sincerity,” says psychotherapist Irina Zemtseva. “The unconditional love that pets show is also frightening.” Let’s try to figure out why.
Negative experience or lack of it
Animals charge us with positive emotions, give their boundless love, and we often begin to perceive them as true friends and equal family members. But this is difficult to accept for those who are not accustomed to communicating with them since childhood. Those who have never had a dog, a cat, or a hamster in the house often remain indifferent, and, therefore, there was no experience of this kind of relationship. Sometimes indifference is associated with an unconscious desire to protect oneself from possible emotional trauma. “If, for example, in childhood a child had a hard time with the death or loss of a beloved dog, then, having matured, without realizing it, he will see in this situation – a dog in the house – a threat to his peace of mind. And he will do everything to avoid it, ”explains zoopsychologist Elena Fedorovich.
Mirror reflection
“Sometimes we can suddenly see ourselves in our animals,” says Irina Zemtseva. “Because they are “very sensitive beings, they often take on our characteristics. And they turn into a kind of mirror, becoming an unconscious projection of their owner. So if someone, for example, declares that he cannot tolerate cats, this may mean that he is not at odds with animals of this species, but with the trait that they embody for him. Cats are primarily associated with independence. Consequently, a person either does not have this character trait (but would like to, because he is tormented by his dependence on another person or circumstances), or, conversely, his independence causes him suffering (because it condemns him to difficult loneliness).
George, 26 years old, engineer “I was able to communicate with them because I love their owners”
“My parents always said that the animals were dirty and smelled bad. Maybe that’s why I never felt tender feelings for them? No emotion at the sight of a puppy on the street, he rather annoys me. In addition, it seems to me that there is no point in having pets, except perhaps in guard or hunting dogs. But I still like two dogs. Largely because they belong to my best friends. I think I managed to love them because I love their owners. These dogs are so wildly happy when I come that they make me feel the same way. However, this does not mean that I am ready to fall in love with other animals. But these dogs touch me, I’m used to them and really glad to see them.
Complicated feelings
Pets instinctively seek physical contact with a person and expect us to respond. Communication with them always involves physical contact. When a person says that he does not like animals, this may mean that he is uncomfortable … in his body, he seems to be cut off from his bodily sensations. Therefore, it would seem that such a simple and natural physical interaction with a cat, dog or guinea pig causes fear and anxiety in him.
With disgust, pets are often treated by those who, in early childhood, were forbidden by their parents to behave as small children usually behave, that is, guided by instincts and their own desires. “It’s amazing, but later, in the cat of his friends, who suddenly jumped on his lap, such a person will see a sticky, uncontrollable child,” continues Irina Zemtseva. “And, like his parents, who do not accept spontaneous behavior, he will become angry, dislike her.”
What to do?
Be sensitive
Try to imagine yourself in the place of your friend who has a four-legged friend. What feelings does his pet give him? Why is your friend so attached to him? By trying to find answers to these questions, you may be able to see the situation in a new way: you will discover that pets deserve interest and even love. And you can really learn to treat them warmly.
Get comfortable with your body
Communication with animals includes bodily contact. Perhaps it is unpleasant for you because you generally feel uncomfortable from any touch, both people and animals, just the latter are more direct in their desire for affection. Learn to enjoy the tactile sensations. A professional massage, gentle touches from your partner or an evening ritual of applying cream or aromatic oils to the skin will help you discover these sensual pleasures.
To the one who is near
You should not condemn someone who does not like animals: he has his own reasons for that. But you can try to establish contact between him and your pet. Talk about what exactly gives you communication with him. Having seen what role a four-legged friend plays in your life, what attention, tenderness and love he gives, the interlocutor will be better able to understand the essence of the connection that is established between a person and a pet. You can slowly bring them closer, showing which games and petting your pet especially prefers. But do not rush and in no case impose this communication.