I adore my kids, but I sorely lack time to communicate with them. And sometimes there is no desire.
I have two of them: a boy and a boy. Preschooler and fifth grader. Sometimes I don’t even understand which of them needs more attention. In the evening after work, I feel like an octopus: I set dinner and immediately prepare lunch for tomorrow, play with the baby and check the lessons from my elder, at the same time answer calls from friends and colleagues. By 22:00, I only dream of one thing: to put everyone to sleep and exhale. It’s not up to 50 hugs a day.
Probably, supporters of the childfree movement are more honest with themselves than those who give birth to children, “so that in old age there would be someone to give a glass of water to.”
Tortured by the race for a career, money, an apartment and a car, in a huge heap of daily worries, parents do not find the strength to communicate with their children.
Among those loaded with eternal troubles, there may be those who selflessly engage in the education of the child and take him to various circles and sections. It seems to be together all the time, next to. But in fact, in this “together” there is no sincere communication with children – we get too tired of social contacts during the day.
We often get by with the usual: “How are you at school? Well, good “
Let’s be honest with ourselves. How many of us know the names of classmates of a son or daughter? Why did the child suddenly start snarling? Have you stopped eating your favorite mashed potatoes? Why doesn’t he want to celebrate his birthday, and after dinner he goes to his room? Do you know which book your child is reading right now? What is he really interested in and who are the guys with whom he is texting on social networks?
What does he want to be when he grows up (no, you don’t want him to be)? What kind of people does he like and what he doesn’t? What are his bad and good habits? Favorite color? School teacher? How does he want to spend the weekend? What movie to see? Which city to visit? What words to hear from you before going to bed?
It’s cool if you can confidently answer all of these questions. But not me. Therefore, I am not blaming anyone.
I live in the same rush as you.
And I also lack the energy and time for frank heart-to-heart conversations with my growing son. But lately, the brightest moments of ours with him have emerged more and more often in memory: his birth, the first words and steps, matinees in kindergarten, leprosy and achievements. Then we were closer. Why? Because he was small, and it seemed to me that he could not do anything without me?
And now, moving away from him, I am looking for an excuse for myself in the banal “he must be independent, an adult, he is a future man.” But this does not mean that he should be without a mother.
I get out of bed, well, let it be that my eyes are sticking together and my legs are cotton, I go to his room:
– Son, are you sleeping?
– No, come in. What happened?
– I want to chat with you. Can?
“Come on,” he says happily and takes my hand in his. – You know, I studied a new trick today. So I have suffered with him, difficult. Then I’ll master it, I’ll show it. And in the game, I’m already in second place in points, and you know, I look at my legs and think that they look like chicken legs. What do you think? And in our class there is a new one, she came from another city. She has poor eyesight, and there is only free space on the last row. I gave her mine. I can see well with the latter. Did I, mom, do it right?
He tells me about school days, new exercises in training, about his classmates and interests. And I don’t even have time to ask questions.
How long have I not spoken to my son!
Why do we have children? For profile photos from discharge from the hospital, from the line on September 1, from prom, their wedding?
Or to enjoy taking care of them, communicating with them every day, making plans and solving complex problems together, planning important events and finding a way out of various situations?
Children, seeing us worn out by worries, understand only that we do not have time for them, and get used to do without us. And when we want their attention, they will no longer be interested in it. A vicious circle turns out. Maybe we should break it right now? Postpone all business, invite your child to chat about everything in the world, even about monkeys and Pokemon. You know, it’s worth it.