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They take on each new business with enthusiasm, but, without completing it, they switch to another. Why this inability to complete what has been started?
They find it difficult to complete the work on time. They can flunk the exam, deciding not to take it, although they prepared well for it. Why is this happening? “Such people live outside of time,” explains analytical psychotherapist Galina Berezovskaya. “They operate under the influence of the unconscious, which conflicts with the conscious part of their psyche. Something painfully experienced in the past prevents them today from establishing cause-and-effect relationships, being consistent and responsible, but in this way it protects them from negative emotions and strong feelings.
Conflict with reality
Until the project is completed, the thesis is completed, or the report is prepared, it seems that everything is still in our power. The put point means that from this moment on, the business we were busy with is under the scrutiny of other people.
“This situation can provoke an unconscious fear that the result will not be appreciated, and our abilities and dedication to the work will be called into question,” says Galina Berezovskaya. “Negative expectations can be so painful that some of us involuntarily begin to drag out work, easily switching to another.” This gives such people the opportunity to avoid confrontation with reality and protects against disappointment. Until the work is completed, the illusion of one’s own omnipotence remains.
“Such situations are especially acute for those who were raised by an imperious mother who controls the smallest details of life,” Galina Berezovskaya clarifies. “Most likely, even as an adult, such a person will need approval, unconditional love and avoid everything that can increase his self-doubt.”
Lack of a clear goal
Having declared that a sharp rise in his career is not far off, a year later he is likely to remain in his previous position. Readily taking on an unbearable load of many things, he again will not be able to complete a single thing … “The reason for this attitude to work is an erroneous understanding of one’s duties,” emphasizes coach Segolene Colonna. “Sometimes the employer cannot clearly define where the competence of each employee begins and ends.” As a result, employees are drowning in business.
The best motivation is the feeling of pleasure from what has already been done.
“Passion for an idea, a passionate impulse to complete a certain task easily comes and goes if we do not have a clear idea why we are doing it,” explains the coach. And even the most sincere intention is not embodied in a specific result.
Do not insist that such a person immediately return to the case and explain the reasons why he did not complete it – this will only provoke him to experience his weak character. The best motivation for him is the feeling of pleasure from what has already been done. After all, the reason for his inconsistency is not in the absence of willpower, but in the lack of clarity of vision. Therefore, questions like “Why didn’t you finish what you started again?” should be replaced with those that will push for rational action, say: “What are you planning to do in order to successfully implement what you have planned?”
Fleeing from the fear of death
To bring the work begun to the end means to part with it. Unconscious experiences at such a moment may be consonant with early childhood fears. “Some children are especially keenly aware of the forced separation from their mother or weaning from her mother,” says Galina Berezovskaya. – Deadly horror – so you can define their feeling at this moment. It is imprinted in the unconscious and unexpectedly manifests itself in situations that are associative reminiscent of that first separation.
Personal experience
Anastasia, 26 years old, manager:
“I got into university on the first try. When it came time to pass the session, I began to jitters: I was sure that I would fail the exams. This fear was so strong that I ended up in the hospital. I always studied with pleasure, but every time on the eve of the exam I looked for any opportunity to avoid it. I wrote an interesting dissertation, but I was so horrified by his defense that I had to take an academic leave. Desperation led me to a psychotherapist. The therapy helped me understand that all these years my will was paralyzed by a childhood fear of not being up to par, of feeling like an outcast in my family again. Today, after five months of therapy, I seem to be able to cope with this experience and hope to complete my diploma.”
By delaying the completion of the work, we seem to be performing some kind of maneuver designed to help avoid one of the most difficult experiences.
What to do?
Make a clear plan. Among the many projects, choose the one in which you feel more competent. Determine its stages and the time required to implement each. Realistically assessing your strengths, you will maintain inner balance, solving the problem.
Move towards the goal gradually. The pace of work slows down when the enthusiasm with which you start a new business fades. A calendar with marked end dates for each stage will help you use your working time more wisely. Referring to it, you can adjust the rhythm of work.
Submit the result. Ask yourself: what will change in my life when I complete this task? Will I receive material rewards, satisfaction from what I have done, or will I feel professionally successful? The answers will help you focus on your goal.
Give yourself gifts. To cope with apathy and complete the work that you are busy with, small prizes will help. For example, give yourself two days off so you can take stock and set your next goal.