A sharp topic of the forum: how to find yourself, look attractive and feel comfortable at the same time? We deal with family psychotherapist Tatyana Potemkina. Her recommendations are suitable for both girls and boys.
Throughout our lives, most of us ask ourselves the question, “Who am I?” from time to time. «What is my path?» But, perhaps, these questions concern us most acutely in our youth. Since adolescence, we are constantly building our personal and social identity. But it is in youth that we are faced with the need to finally separate from the parental family, choose a profession, create a system of values (however, this process continues longer), accept our femininity / masculinity … The young person is faced with the task of summarizing everything that he (she) knows about yourself, about different sides of your «I», comprehend this and build your ideas into the picture of the desired future. If a young person successfully copes with this task — psychosocial identification — then he will have a sense of who he is, where he is and where he is going. For the successful passage of this period, trust, independence, skill, which the child, and then the teenager acquires in his parental family, are important.
- I do not wanna grow up
But no matter how prepared a teenager is for the transition to adulthood, very often this period is accompanied by anxiety, distrust and self-doubt. Boys and girls often have doubts about their physical attractiveness, masculinity or femininity, intelligence, leadership qualities … On the one hand, such doubts can cause negative experiences — sadness, irritation, and even shame and guilt, but on the other hand, they encourage young people to intensely seek your «I», to know yourself, to experiment with your image, with skills and abilities, with relationships.
Thanks to these searches, young people find new models of behavior and communication, in addition to those they receive in the parental family. Perhaps much more efficient.
Of course, humanity has gone through youthful identification crises for thousands of years, relying on traditions, on the history of the family, on its own strengths, on the values of society. But in our lives, each of us is a pioneer. Each person opens the door of his native home and finds himself on the threshold of a great life. And, quite naturally, everyone experiences excitement and anxiety at the same time. There are many questions. How will this big world accept me, because my experience, limited to the framework of family and school, is still insufficient? ..
- When daughters grow up
The attitude of parents to their growing up, the rules and attitudes of the parental family, as well as the parents’ idea of the role of a woman and a man in society have a great influence on the self-perception of girls at this time. Very often, when the youth of parents fell on difficult, critical years, they had no time for crises, all forces were directed to survival. It is sometimes difficult for children of such parents to get support and understanding from them, and then the crisis drags on. It also happens that a girl or a boy plays the role of a stabilizer in the family system — that is, their problems (psychological or health problems) keep their parents together. Then the youthful crisis also drags on and the young person cannot separate from the parental family for a long time, become psychologically mature and independent. In this case, it is worth contacting a family psychologist.
- Daughter and mother: separation is difficult, but necessary!
How can girls survive (with minimal negative consequences) an identity crisis?
- Talk to your family, especially your mother, grandmother, older sisters or other kind and close women about how they went through a similar period, what they experienced. Such a conversation helps to understand that our problems deserve attention and that they are solvable.
- Do not hurry. The fruit does not ripen before the term. It takes time to accept your new roles, including that of a mature woman.
- Experiment with your appearance — try to change your image — clothes, makeup, hairstyles, and at the same time listen to your inner feelings, not forgetting about the external effect.
- Work on increasing your self-confidence — because this confidence comes with time — with the things done and new useful skills.
- Pay attention to those aspects of life and skills in which you feel competent. You can even leave a list of your achievements and virtues — this will help you feel confident in yourself.
- Celebrate your even smallest successes and the feelings that these events evoke in you. You can even start a special diary for this.
- Associating more often with those who are kind to you and share your values - this also helps to maintain self-confidence.
Of course, this algorithm can be used not only by girls, but also by boys. Good luck to you! And remember that every new day gives us the opportunity to change something in our lives.