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Culinary art has become a cultural phenomenon in recent years, and interest in it continues to grow. But not everyone shares it. The thought of getting up to the stove, for some, causes real horror. Why is this happening? And is it possible to love this activity?
“That word alone makes me sad,” admits 33-year-old Elina. “I have no idea what and how to do, I quickly get tired of messing with food, checking the recipe, waiting …” Perhaps cooking is like a hobby: some like it, others don’t?
“The art of cooking differs from everyday cooking, like a ready-to-wear gallery from altered mother’s dresses,” family psychologist Inna Shifanova is sure. – In one case – creativity, own desire, pleasure; in the other, the pressure of circumstances, necessity. For many, cooking is a family chore: doing it brings no joy, and refusing causes guilt.”
Nobody taught me this. Homemade food can turn a feast into a real holiday. For example, in the family of my friends, about twenty people gather once a year – of different generations, from different cities – and for several days they all make dumplings together for long conversations. And then they don’t eat everything, some are frozen and taken with them, to please relatives who could not get out. But not all families have traditions associated with home cooking. Some of us had no experience of family gatherings at all, while for others, such an experience could be joint outings into nature and canned food heated over a fire.
Inna Shifanova notes that “in adulthood it is difficult to arouse an interest in cooking and start enjoying what you cook with your own hands, if from childhood the elders did not involve us in cooking, did not encourage our own experiments.”
Ekaterina, 39 years old, teacher
“Even when I began to live separately, my mother often brought me her “homemade” in bags and boxes. I myself bought something ready-made and told everyone that I had no cooking talent. But one day I was treating a friend to my mother’s pies, expecting to hear the usual delights in such cases, and instead he suddenly said: “I’m sorry, but they have too much butter, I can’t eat it.” I was struck like a thunderbolt: someone may not like my mother’s cooking! Strange, but after that I felt much freer in the kitchen, I started baking vegetables, as I like, and now I’ll cook at least a whole dinner, including compote for the third. However, this is only on weekends…”
I’m afraid to do something wrong. Mother’s dumplings and cabbage soup, mother’s “signature” salad… For many, this is an unsurpassed example. And we are fettered by fear: what if the result of our kitchen work will not be to your taste, and most importantly, what if we turn out worse than mom? That is, many of us not only do not like, but simply do not dare to cook, because they are afraid not to live up to the expectations of both those around them and their own.
Margarita, 30 years old, advertising agency manager
“When I began to live alone, I tried long and hard to learn how to cook, but I didn’t succeed very well. At some point, I gave up, putting myself on the list of those who simply can’t cook well: my mother and sister can, but nature rested on me. Otherwise, how else could one explain the situation when my mother and I, cooking according to the same recipe, received practically different dishes. “You can eat,” my young man said, “but you won’t “lick your fingers” like mom’s.” So gradually I saved myself from the need to cook: fortunately, now you can buy ready-made food of good quality.
The pandemic has changed the situation. I had a lot of free time, my favorite cafes were closed, and I wanted something tasty. This is where it started: pancakes, lasagna, cream soups, casseroles. Not the first time, but after a series of unsuccessful attempts, but I really began to succeed. So I realized: maybe it’s not given to me, but I have already filled my hand – now I cook more often and with pleasure.
Feeling of protest. The food that a mother prepares for a child symbolizes her love for him. “But sometimes it becomes the only manifestation of love,” explains Inna Shifanova, “it replaces communication, turning into stuffing or emotional blackmail (“You need a diet with your health, only I can provide it” or “I go to the store, then to the stove, sometimes with dishes, but you, ungrateful, don’t appreciate”). As a result, the child either resigns himself and gradually adopts such an attitude towards food (one of the results may be excess weight), or resists – and then everything related to the kitchen begins to cause rejection. There is no love for cooking!
What to do?
Understand your motives
It is important to understand what drives you when you get up to the stove. There is a significant difference between “I love you and want to please you”, “I obey you and I’m afraid that you will be angry” or “You have nothing to do with it, I just do it as usual.” Only in the first case opens the way to creativity. And fear, feelings of guilt and duty hinder him. For the culinary arts, like for any other, inner freedom is necessary.
Get rid of guilt
“The way to a man’s heart lies through his stomach”, “a good mother feeds well”, “cooking is a modern trend: who does not cook is behind the times”… No, we are not obliged to follow any of these ideas! It is better to leave yourself alone and wait until you feel like trying something out of curiosity or for your own pleasure. And do not suffer if this does not happen at all.
To create
Trying to do exactly like someone else… What a bore! Listen to your desires. Buy foods that you like, create a dish out of them, as your intuition tells you. You will be surprised at how much you can do. It is not necessary to throw away the recipe book – but let it have only an advisory vote, not a decisive one.