To change your life, you need to get out of your comfort zone, psychologists advise. Moving to another country is probably the most cardinal option for such an exit. Psychologist Victoria Labokaite has changed her place of residence and shares her experience and discoveries that she made thanks to a bold experiment.
I decided to live in another country and, as planned, spent two months alone with my children in Lithuania. What did it give me and my family? I saw that many of my fears were unfounded. Nothing terrible happened: the business did not collapse, the children did not forget anything, the husband came, and the separation gave a pleasant piquancy to the relationship. I have seen from my own experience how far our fears are from reality. But to understand this, one had to have the courage to try!
I learned a lot about myself. From the good: I can do a lot, I am interested in myself, in isolation from my usual life I have new, unusual ideas, and my ideas about how “correct” have greatly expanded. But not all the news about me was pleasant.
It turned out that I was living in some illusion that I was good with children. In Moscow, where I could share physical and moral stress with other people, I was almost always in a resourceful state — an empathic, cheerful mother.
Left alone with the children, I discovered how what I considered obsolete and already unusual for me behavior suddenly broke out. This was a signal for me that deep negative habits require not just awareness, but long-term systematic study.
Children have become more independent. There is no father, grandmother, nanny. You have to do a lot yourself. It was extremely helpful for my kids. They themselves went to the store, walked alone in the yard (I was sick and could not go out), washed dishes, vacuumed. In Moscow, I would not dare to let a four-year-old child, albeit with an older brother, into the yard. And in Lithuania it was easy and natural. I’m glad they had that experience.
My experiment made the children come together. The elder began to take the younger under protection more often
Despite a good knowledge of Lithuanian (my mother is Lithuanian), we encountered some prejudice against Russians. I had to talk with children on topics that we had not previously paid much attention to: national politics, tolerance, the history of relations between peoples and countries, fears that are passed down from generation to generation, aggression, and the ability to defend oneself.
My experiment made the children come together. The older one began to take the younger one under protection more often, because both of them, having got into new conditions, finally appreciated the presence of fraternal support.
All two months the elder visited the younger in his kindergarten group (the school and the kindergarten were in the same building). If one of the boys was sad, then you could come to visit your brother. The younger one sat in the lessons of the older one, and the older one carefully looked after him on the street, if he had to wait for me.
I liked my own courage. I got great pleasure from the fact that I overcame myself and decided to experiment. How did he make me reevaluate our Moscow life? More on that next time.