«Hello!»
Hello, good afternoon, Nikolai Ivanovich!
— Good afternoon, Nastya! So, you wanted to talk about your husband?
— Yes.
— As I understand from your letter, your husband is a good person, but you don’t have lively, warm feelings for him?
— There were, there were many, for a very long period.
So, what are the alternatives? Are there other men who are attracted to you? Or did you not look in this direction? What situation?
— There are no other specific ones, because there is no such task. Like, I’m married.
— Yes, and? What are the reflections, for example?
— The thoughts that I had were simple: maybe get a divorce?
— What for? Why did this thought come to you? Divorce means counting on something better, but what will be better? Do you see an opportunity to look for another person or get away from this, because it is very difficult with your husband? These are different situations.
— I thought about the possibility of looking for another person.
— Didn’t understand. The opportunity to search is still there.
— Like this?
“Just like that, directly and directly. Dear women, you are so interesting. If, for example, you work somewhere, work honestly and well, no one bothers you to look for another job that suits you more. But, if you do not find it, you continue to work wonderfully where you work.
— Yes, agreed.
— Nastya, a little to the side. In your letter you write: if we divorce, the child and the husband will be traumatized. So: if in this situation adults are reasonable people, then there will be no injuries. Another thing, mind you, I’m not at all sure that you need to go somewhere if you have a good family, I don’t really believe that you will find seriously better options in the near future. In addition, there is no guarantee that the same thing will not happen to you with another man as here, with this good man. At first there will be feelings, and after a year or two the feelings will go away, what will we do next?
Well, I have the same question. I’m not sure this is the right choice. The thing is, I don’t have a solution…
“Okay, have you talked about this with your husband?” Does he have a desire to change something?
Yes, we used to talk and talk.
Well, that would make for a wonderful relationship.
— Yes, in general, we are trying to do it, we are putting efforts into it.
Maybe this is the solution? That is, I don’t mind at all and I think it’s completely normal if you are looking for the best option. And if suddenly there is an amazing person, about whom you will have confidence that he does not have happiness without you, but he is worthy of happiness, and you will give him this for many years; and your husband may find another woman who suits him better than you, then this is a normal option. It’s possible, it’s just not likely, in my opinion. You can look at the options, but existing relationships need to be protected and developed. And certainly not to grieve.
— Well, there is definitely no longing, no sadness, no negative feelings.
“Then why don’t you take care of your husband so that you can say that I love him?”
— Well, how to say, I don’t care … There are a lot of worries. A lot of everything.
— Yes, of course, there are always many worries. But when you write about a child, you can see that there is love in your concern for a child. You write about it so delicious! And you write about your husband briefly, dryly. Don’t you care about your husband?
Why, I cared. I would even say that it took many years. Love was like a child, like a kitten, just for nothing. But on his part there were many such actions that our relationship has changed …
— Very interesting. Here from here in more detail and without haste. So, what did he do that made you decide to stop loving him and start to dislike him?
— If we talk about the specifics of what he did …
Yes, or didn’t. After all, sometimes women stop loving a man when he stops doing something.
“We had a moment… sad, sad. Even probably, there was not so much sadness as resentment and anger. When I gave birth to my third child, my husband began to walk. That’s what it was. It was a long time ago. We have already discussed everything, everything has already settled down in general, but it probably started with that for me.
Why did you stop loving him?
— I find it difficult to say. What do you mean?
— Then it’s different: maybe you just start to love him?
— If love is considered as behavior? Or how do you feel?
“Of course behavior, and behavior is followed by feelings. You will love a year old, at the level of behavior, where will you go, and the feelings will be the same. But this is if it will be so easy for you to behave, if your such behavior is supported by your husband. If you feel that you succeed, if it is accompanied by good, internal comments. Not like: “Oh, I’m a fool, what am I doing to him, but he’s nothing to me!”. If you do this for a year with negative internal comments, the result will only be the opposite, this is understandable.
— In this case, I am absolutely sure that my husband will gladly accept such behavior.
“Well, that’s fine, so do it.” And give him another task: dear, where is tenderness, where is love, what kind of business, today was a day completely without love on your part. Now I won’t give you dinner, dear, first kiss me on the ear, get used to taking care of your own wife properly! Everything, and he will have a fun game. Teach your husband that everything is good and fun at his house.
So, your final question. You love your children, it’s great, you’re cool, you’re wonderful! Can you love your husband on the same level? Will you set such a task, what do you think about this topic? You can not answer now, you can first think about how much you need.
— Okay, I think I can. There is still a lot between us. Many feelings, there are warm feelings, different feelings.
— Then, can you already say now: That’s it, I’m starting. And I myself start, and I strain my husband, contract and carry away? Or do you think?
— I can say, I can, of course!
— So, a new stage of family life begins?
— Well!
— So that in a year, for example, you will write the essay “My Family”, and it will be completely different! And exactly half of it will be about children — with soul, with pleasure and with details, and exactly the other half — also with love about her husband.
— Yes OK!
“God, how good it is!” Well, nice! Amazing!
— Good! Thank you very much!
— There will be questions, call. Nastya, everything is fun, everything is fine!
— Yes, thank you very much, Nikolai Ivanovich.
— All the best to you! Goodbye!
— Bye!