I criticize everyone

Some of us are especially sensitive to the imperfections of the world because they know so well how things should really be. This knowledge – like a set of rules for every case – they received from their parents and are constantly expanding themselves. When such people see that someone behaves in a wrong way, does not say what (in their opinion) should, they are seized with anxiety and an irresistible desire to speak out sharply about this.

“At these moments, the world seems to them especially unstable and unstable,” says psychologist Varvara Sidorova. “Such people acutely feel their helplessness and, trying to cope with internal discomfort, begin to resent and condemn everything and everyone.” Shooting at each target, they doom themselves to loneliness. But why do they behave this way?

Fear of criticism

Their categorical judgments about others are like a sentence that cannot be revised.

Choosing the position of the supreme judge, the harsh critic seeks to feel his own integrity and overcome the unconscious fear of himself being the target of someone else’s criticism.

“We live and act in a system of mutual mirrors, and very often our negative remark expressed to another person is nothing more than a reflection – in a figurative sense – of ourselves,” explains Varvara Sidorova. – When we cannot accept some trait of our character, feeling, intention, fantasy or our style of behavior, we endow other people with these qualities. And we criticize them for this, often quite unfairly.

This unconscious process, called projection, refers to the mechanisms of psychological defense: criticism of the other allows you to avoid meeting with yourself, when psychologically a person is not ready to recognize the unacceptable in himself. He is afraid to feel rejected and unloved again.”

The pursuit of excellence

Perfectionists are always ready to criticize others. More precisely, those of them who are always dissatisfied with themselves and others.

“There are two types of perfectionism,” explains cognitive psychotherapist Jean Cotrot. – Positive is expressed in the desire to help another person become better, support him; the negative manifests itself in the constant criticism of everything and everything. In the latter case, the victims of the obsessed striving for perfection are both those around him (who are instilled with a sense of guilt) and himself.

Low self-esteem

When parents set the bar too high for their child, endlessly complaining to him, this deprives him of self-confidence and reinforces a sense of inferiority.

As children grow up, they can transform this lack of self-love into a lack of love for others. This becomes their key to mastering the world. Now they themselves make claims to others (including parents) – the same as those from which they suffered in childhood.

Middle age crisis

Sometimes excessive criticality towards others appears with age. We are talking about a mid-life crisis, a time to rethink yourself and search for new guidelines.

“Like any age crisis, it helps men and women find contact with themselves, gain psychological integrity,” explains Varvara Sidorova. — But, evaluating his achievements, a person often first of all experiences disappointment in himself, his self-esteem falls. At this moment, he begins to notice the shortcomings in others, as if saying to himself: “I’m not the only one.”

What to do?

Deal with past grudges

It often happens that those who are inclined to condemn others have previously suffered from criticism themselves. Think about when, how, and why you were the target of such remarks. Having dealt with past grievances, you will understand what are the reasons for your current claims against yourself and others.

Learn to open up to others

Instead of locking yourself in the rejection of others, you should learn to better understand them, sympathize with them. Do not rush to make your verdict – let the interlocutor speak, be able to listen and observe. Such attention will require effort, but gradually you will learn the tolerance necessary for a prosperous life in society.

Admit your mistakes

The constant readiness to criticize speaks of the desire for power and the desire to always and in everything be right. But after all, there are no such people who always have the last word. Passion and categoricalness indicate the immaturity of the individual. If you admit that you may be incompetent in something, your judgments will become more balanced and objective.