“Such a comparison is not good for you or the child,” warns child psychologist Irina Mlodik. “It’s more important for him to learn to see himself better.”
“She is not as smart as her friends”, “He reads the worst in the class” … How do you feel when you hear that a neighbor’s three-year-old child already knows a few English words, while yours speaks Russian indistinctly ? Anxiety, envy, irritation? Quite possible. In today’s achievement-driven society, it’s hard not to get caught up in this parental race to see whose child is the best. Yes, and our parents and teachers taught us to live just like that — in constant striving to achieve the best result. That is why many adults are convinced that comparison and competition are extremely effective, stimulate the development of the child, his desire to become better.
But, comparing our children with others, we inevitably evaluate them and thus make them dependent on the opinions and assessments of others for life. It becomes difficult for them to resist the manipulators — from the drug dealer («Weak, sissy ?!») to the boss («Nobody can do it better than you!»). When a child is praised (“You are the best!”), any failure gives rise to anxiety, overstrain, and takes a lot of strength. And it can cause psychosomatic illness. Unfavorable comparisons (“Your sister was already swimming at this age”) limit children to a certain model of behavior, develop in them uncertainty, perfectionism, and reduce self-esteem.