Rent a mountain chalet with a dozen friends, and even more so – share the impressions of the trip with fifty companions? Never! The thought of taking a vacation with company terrifies some of us. Why?
Vera, 36, financial analyst
“My relatives love to relax with the “whole clan”, with uncles and aunts, cousins, brothers and their children. Dinners for 20 people, a trip to the river in three cars and the complete impossibility to communicate normally – all this is not at all for me. But to refuse would be to offend, so I took part in these activities and quietly got angry at myself for not being able to have fun with everyone. In May, we again arranged a collective trip, and then it dawned on me: I can endure a large company for a strictly defined time. Specifically, no more than three days. Since then I have followed my rule. Weekends please. But for the whole vacation – it is impossible!
“When I go somewhere with a company, there is a feeling that I have been deprived of individuality! – 25-year-old Margarita is simply suffocated by emotions. “Yes, and everything around becomes uninteresting, similar to each other.” It was the same in childhood: “I wrote every day from the camp to be taken away,” and in my student years, when I rented an apartment for several people. “At the same time, according to my friends, I am sociable, not at all some kind of gloomy loner.” So what’s the deal?
It’s hard for me to set the right distance. An obstacle to well-being in a group can be the desire for deep relationships, which is part of our culture of communication. “For some, it manifests itself especially strongly,” emphasizes business psychologist and coach Maria Makarushkina, “and it is difficult for such people to be superficially kind. They try to make friends with every member of the group and because of this they experience emotional overload, which can take the form of irritation or boredom.
I want independence. In an unfamiliar city, we slow down to take a closer look at an unusual sign. But the guide leads the group forward – and we regret to part with the object of our unsatisfied curiosity. Any collective subordinates its member to the rules adopted in it. We are forced to reckon with the general daily routine, the desires and capabilities of others. But isn’t that what we do every day at work? “A vacation provides an opportunity to create conditions that are different from everyday ones, to make up for the lack of impressions,” the coach continues. “Those who are used to rigid limits often use it to feel independent and follow only their desires.”
I’m losing myself. Some feel superfluous among other people, it is difficult for them to assert their individuality. Plus, when going on vacation with family or friends, everyone is quickly assigned to a specific seat… not necessarily the right one. “A company always has its own neat man, its own organizer, its own lazy person,” says psychologist Gérard Macqueron. “Such labels every time “seem to tell us that nothing has changed.”
I am shyReluctance to vacation with a group can be a sign of social phobia. “Very shy people are afraid of any prying eyes,” says Gerard Mackeron. Travelers go sightseeing together… but sometimes they have to share a common table or bathroom. This can be very disturbing for those who lack self-respect. “Some do not feel their value and do not believe that they will be well received,” the psychologist summarizes. In addition, the company is always a risk that some friend – the owner of steel muscles, or a girlfriend – the soul of society, will loom nearby every day.
What to do?
Take the test in a limited circle
Before you go on a long trip with a large group, take a test drive. A good place to start is by planning a weekend out of town with close friends: it’s a relatively safe way to find out how good you feel in company.
Set the rules “on the shore”
Life and its organization often become a reason for friction. Therefore, it is useful to discuss with others how they imagine this trip. Who will take care of the children? Do others intend to eat together or separately? How will the economy be managed? If you set the rules in advance, the chances of relaxing in peace will increase.
Choose the right conditions
When contacting a travel agency, ask about its target audience. At the age of 20, traveling with pensioners is not an ideal solution. Where and how to go is also important. For example, an ocean cruise and small islands will not give you many opportunities to be alone.
Imagine pleasant moments of solitude
The dislike of traveling in a group is often associated with the fear that you will not be able to hide from prying eyes. Fear can be reduced by imagining your hotel room or cabin as a quiet place where you can read a novel, listen to music, watch a movie … After all, if we travel in a group, we still do it primarily for our own pleasure.