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Many people do not dare to start new projects, change their profession, open their own business just because they are not confident in their own abilities. They believe that external obstacles and interference are to blame, but in fact they limit themselves, says psychologist Beth Kerland.
We often say to ourselves and hear from friends: «Nothing will work.» This phrase robs confidence. A blank wall rises in front of us, which forces us to turn back or stay in place. It’s hard to move forward when words are taken for granted.
“For most of my life, I have admired those who have achieved success: made a discovery and helped humanity, created a small business and built an empire, wrote a script that made a cult film, was not afraid to speak in front of an audience of thousands, and repeated to myself: “I will not succeed «. But one day I thought about these words and realized that they prevent me from achieving what I want, ”recalls Beth Kerland.
What does it take to achieve the impossible? What will help overcome the blank wall of self-doubt and continue on the path to your goals? The psychologist suggests starting with five steps that can change your life and tell you how to start moving forward.
1. Understand that your opinion of yourself is not the truth, but an erroneous judgment.
We tend to blindly trust the voice in our head that tells us that we are bound to lose. We follow his lead, because we have convinced ourselves that it cannot be otherwise. In fact, our judgments often turn out to be erroneous or distorted. Instead of repeating that you won’t succeed, say, «This is scary and difficult, but at least I’ll try.»
Pay attention to what happens to your body when you say this phrase. Try practicing mindfulness meditation, it’s a great way to track your thoughts and see how fickle they are.
2. Recognize that it’s okay to be afraid of the unknown.
It is not necessary to wait until doubts, fears and anxieties subside in order to take a risk and do what you dream of. It often seems to us that unpleasant emotions will accompany every step on the way to the goal. However, when we focus on what is truly valuable and important, it will be much easier to step over emotional discomfort and take action.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the understanding that there is something more important than fear,” wrote the American philosopher Ambrose Redmoon.. Ask yourself what is more important for you than fears and doubts, for the sake of which you are ready to put up with unpleasant feelings.
3. Break the path to a big goal into short, achievable steps.
It’s hard to take on something you’re not sure about. But if you take small steps and praise yourself for each achievement, you will become more confident. In psychotherapy, the graduated exposure technique is successfully used, when the client gradually, step by step, learns to accept situations that he avoids or fears.
“I have often seen the difficulties people face. Overcoming one stage and moving on to the next, they gradually gain strength, which helps to withstand new challenges. In addition, I was convinced from my own experience that it works,” shares Beth Kerland.
Think about what small step you can take today or this week to move towards a big and important goal.
4. Seek and ask for help
Unfortunately, many people are taught from childhood that the smart and punchy do not count on anyone’s help. For some reason, in society it is considered that it is shameful to ask for help. In fact, the opposite is true: the smartest people know how to find those who can help, and do not hesitate to contact them.
“Whenever I started a new project, I acknowledged that there were experts who knew the topic better than me, contacted them and relied on their advice, tips and experience to learn everything there was to know,” says Beth.
5. Be prepared to fail
Learn, practice, move forward every day and if something goes wrong, try again, refine and change the approach. Hiccups and misses are inevitable, but take them as an opportunity to reconsider your chosen tactics, and not as an excuse to give up.
Looking at successful people, we often find ourselves thinking that they were lucky, luck itself fell into their hands and they woke up famous. It happens and such, but most of them went to success for years. Many of them faced difficulties and setbacks, but if they allowed themselves to stop, they would never achieve their goals.
Think ahead about how you will deal with inevitable failures. Make a written plan to return to if you fail. For example, write down words that remind you that this is not a failure, but a necessary experience that taught you something.
Each of us is capable of changing the world, each of us can do something significant, you just need to dare to take a bold step. You will be surprised when you realize that the wall that has grown along the way is not so impregnable.
About the Author: Beth Kerland is a clinical psychologist and author of Dancing on a Tightrope: How to Change Your Habitual Mindset and Really Live.