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Summer: beaches where there is nowhere for an apple to fall, streets flooded with tourists … For some, this is a real nightmare. It is worth finding yourself in the crowd – and such people fall into anxiety, and sometimes panic. What is behind this anxiety and how to deal with it?
“Noise, crowding and overcrowding depress me,” admits 29-year-old Mikhail. The desire to avoid crowds seems quite understandable. But Mikhail is sorry that for this reason he often refuses to visit interesting places, from new trips and many opportunities. According to clinical psychologist Tatyana Voskresenskaya, “being in the midst of people means putting the boundaries of your personal space to the test.” Those of us who have these boundaries incomplete or too easily permeable unconsciously perceive the proximity of others as a potential threat.
I feel vulnerable. The distance at which we feel safe is different for everyone. There are those among us who, noticing a person sitting on a bench, will certainly look for a free one, and will not sit next to him. All the more uncomfortable for such people in the crowd. “The feeling of personal space develops in childhood,” explains Tatyana Voskresenskaya. – Ideally, the child has his own place, where he is the master, where no one will penetrate without his consent. But it also happens that the child does not even have a box where he could store his things without fear that they will be subjected to parental inspection. Or adults forbid a teenager to close the door to his room. If our personal boundaries are constantly violated, in the future we may experience uncertainty that we are able to protect ourselves and prevent invasion of our territory. Then, perhaps, for our own safety, we will begin to increase the “buffer zone” and prefer to avoid rapprochement – both physical and, often, emotional.
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- Protection from the Elite
What to do?
Assess the situation
Look around: are there signs of danger? Pay attention to escape routes: indoor emergency exits, side streets in the city. Look at people: are they calm, how do their voices sound. Assessing the situation, we shift our attention from our imagination, where irrational fears live, to the real world.
To set up a contact
Talk to someone nearby by asking a simple question: “What time is it?” or “What is the name of this street?” An open admission of one’s feelings helps to moderate anxiety: “I don’t feel comfortable” or a call on the phone, sometimes it’s enough to hear a calm voice to regain the presence of mind.
Prepare in advance
Prepare something that will come in handy if you find yourself in a crowd: a map of the city (it is also a good conversation starter: “Can you tell me where I am?”); a bottle of drinking water; wet wipes (this helps keep your hands occupied and distracted). Remember a simple relaxation technique: listen to your breathing, gradually lengthening the exhalation: this is physiologically calming.
I’m losing control. “The crowd easily panics, they can trample on it,” Mikhail explains his fear. In reality, a crowd at a rally or at a sale differs from the crowded tourist streets: in the first case, people are united by a common goal, in the second, by a combination of circumstances. And their goals are different: some follow the guide, others go to a store or restaurant, or just walk around the city. The probability of stampede and panic in the second case is lower, but the fear from this does not become weaker. According to Tatyana Voskresenskaya, “the crowd is a powerful influx of various moods from all sides, and for a person with increased susceptibility this becomes a spiritual disaster. Especially if he is not quite able to separate his feelings from those of others: there is a fear of becoming infected with other people’s emotions, losing self-control. Behind this, there may also be an unconscious fear that one’s own forbidden feeling will break through – for example, aggression. The mechanism of psychological projection also turns on: those of us who are not aware of our own hostility are most afraid and suspect of surrounding enemies.
I’m afraid of other people’s views. 40-year-old Inna is worried about possible condemnation: “On the beach, it seems to me that everyone is looking at the shortcomings of my figure, and I want to fall through the ground.” This attitude towards oneself and others develops in the family. Some were brought up in concern for modesty and restraint: “Don’t make any performances!”, Others were criticized: “Where are you in this form? Make people laugh!” In some families, a cautious attitude towards strangers, towards the world as a whole, becomes a tradition that is uncritically assimilated and passed down from generation to generation.
See also: protection from the elite