They try to help everyone around. They agree to any request and even try to lend when their own wallet is almost empty. Why is it so difficult for some of us to say the word «no»?
“The less strength we have, the more willingly we waste it — such a paradox,” says existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova. — Therefore, those who are really tired often cannot say no. But there are other reasons for failure as well. So, it can be one of the symptoms of depression. “This disease gives rise to specific ways of thinking,” explains Svetlana Krivtsova. “In particular, a person suddenly begins to experience an acute desire to make everyone happy, takes on any business — and for that which others refuse.”
Stay obedient child
“Even at a very young age, most children can confidently say no,” continues Svetlana Krivtsova. “But if adults do not notice their desire to defend their position, do not take their opinions seriously, the child gets the feeling that only the wishes of other people really matter, and his own views and values are of no interest.” As a result, such a person does not value himself highly, and other people’s desires become a priority for him.
“When a child lives in an atmosphere of unconditional submission,” adds Svetlana Krivtsova, “he grows up as an obedient and dependent person, lives with the fear of not being able to cope with the situation on his own in the event of a conflict or disagreement with those who are higher on the hierarchical ladder.” The fear of making a mistake, making a mistake makes him agree and fulfill the requests of colleagues and management without fail.
Feel like a hero
The desire to help their neighbor, not to disappoint them, seems to them an important reason for never saying no. But often this desire also testifies to something else — to an unconscious need to again (as in childhood) feel one’s omnipotence. “If reliability is part of the behavior of a person at the age of 35-40, this most likely indicates his psychological immaturity,” Svetlana Krivtsova believes. “He is at odds with himself, unable to distinguish between what gives him pleasure and what is an excessive experience.” Such people need to «get into a fight» in order to better understand themselves. And when a person lives according to the principle “Isn’t it weak for me?”, He perceives any offer and request as a challenge. And the answer is yes!
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