In the last century, love triangles were symbols of progressiveness. Mayakovsky and wife Brik. Blok, Mendeleev and Bely. Akhmatova, Sudeikin, and Lurie… At that time, society was set on freedom, including freedom and the choice of partners. Why do people practice threesome relationships now? And why is such a connection dangerous for the “third”?
In our culture, for the most part, monogamous relationships are common. A mononuclear family is the only possible union regulated by the state. And even if people are in no hurry to enter into an official marriage, more often they are looking for a mate, a «second half» — this is in our cultural code.
A long-term relationship between two partners is a complex and volatile system. How does the alignment change when the third one appears? The most popular option is the relationship of a man and two women, usually a wife and a young mistress. The appearance of the latter may indicate communication problems for the couple. The man wanted novelty, mostly sexual, but talking about it with his wife for some reason is scary. He starts an affair on the side, about which the spouse most often quickly finds out, but does not leave.
Or another option: a woman meets two men at once
In the classic scheme, this is a successful but unloved husband and passionate lover. One closes financial needs, the other — sexual. A wife, in dire need of her husband’s attention, thus tries to let him know what she lacks.
Instead of an open dialogue, partners choose to involve a third person in a couple, which plays the role of a lightning rod: the marriage keeps afloat for some time. Unlike infidelity, a love triangle is a form of relationship that involves being open. And it is this openness that complicates an already complex structure. The history of our hero confirms this.
Save me if you can
Psychologist, Gestalt therapist Alexandra Shettler believes that in the story of Alexei we are talking about polygamy — a form of three-way relationship, in which it is assumed that a man or woman is in a relationship with several partners. And we are not talking about promiscuous sexual relations with various partners. Polygamous relationships are clearly regulated.
The most common form of polygamy is polygamy.
In a number of countries, it is this form of relations and family structure that is approved and supported both by the state and religiously. There are territories where polyandry also exists. But in our culture, this is more of an exception than the rule.
“Returning to the history of our hero. He mentions several times that it is difficult for him to follow the rules, namely, stable rules of interaction determine the viability of any union. It seems that the hero is attached to his partner, but the presence of a partner weighs him down. And he is initially aimed specifically at monogamous relationships, but in order to be close to the object of his sympathy, he is forced to be in these relationships for three.
From his story, it is obvious that he does not see a future shared with this couple, he goes on a date with girls. However, he says that he is prevented from building new relationships by the illusion that he is already in them. Actually, it’s not that much of an illusion. He really is in a polygamous relationship, even has the experience of living together with this couple. But it seems that this idea goes against his ideas about his relationships and himself. Therefore, on the one hand, he does not seem to take them seriously, and on the other, he calls them addiction.
The idea of saving one of the participants in a love triangle is a common phenomenon: a man wants to save a woman from an unloved husband
This is what forms a relationship of dependence, which is much more difficult to get out of than a love triangle, which is based only on sex. In reality, the «victim» may not need to be saved. Indeed, from the relationship of the three of them, she can receive certain benefits.
Psychologists believe that people who have unsatisfied needs, which they cannot or do not want to satisfy on their own, taking responsibility for their lives, more often become participants in tripartite alliances. And the solution of problems with the help of compensation leads to the destruction of personality.
Is there a way out of this maze? The psychologist gives an unequivocal answer — you need to start with yourself: “I want to ask the hero what the value of these relationships is for him. He writes that he wants to fall in love. But in the current relationship, he is more focused on the partner and what she needs. And it is not clear what he needs. What suits him and what doesn’t. And until he finds a common language with himself, falling in love threatens to move from one addiction to another.