“Tired parents lose their temper easily,” says family therapist Isabelle Filliozat. Maybe children are just a convenient target for anger?
“A child brushed a cup of compote off the table, accidentally tore a book or poured ketchup on new shorts … Sometimes it’s enough to make us flare up: “Do you even realize what you are doing?” We can scream and even slap in the heat of the moment, and a minute later we already regret what happened.
“He just let me down,” we justify ourselves and do not always understand that the real reason for irritation is our fatigue, the inability to control the situation, to cope with circumstances – personal or at work. But the child has nothing to do with it …
In addition, his awkwardness, laziness or slovenliness hurt pride: our child is not perfect! The child depends on us – and this situation itself provokes us to an unreasonably violent reaction. Power over others hardens, it is not easy to cope with the unconscious temptation to abuse it (especially if a person often feels like a victim in everyday life). We should learn to accept our imperfection, and consider the child’s mistakes as a reason to teach him something, to listen, to explain.
Parents have the right to get annoyed from time to time: they are also people, and it is even useful for children to see their human manifestations – this gives them self-confidence. However, it is important to distinguish anger from aggression (verbal or physical). Anger expresses our state, while aggression hurts another. She frightens the child who cannot answer her, and ultimately undermines faith in the parent who is too obviously not in control of the situation.
Feeling that an explosion is brewing inside, it is better to leave, cool down, and then explain yourself in a calm state. Are you returning from work on edge? Try to relieve stress on the way; do not forget about yourself when you come home. Sometimes it’s better for the whole family if you take a little bath yourself before bathing the kids.”