Three o’clock at night. Desperate crying comes from the next room. Words of consolation (“I’ll be with you, everything is fine”), reasonable arguments (“There are no monsters here!”), Or threats to a sobbing child do not work. She doesn’t seem to hear you. What to do? The psychotherapist Galiya Nigmetzhanova tells.
“When a child wakes up in the middle of the night with fear, it is useless to try to dissuade him,” confirms Galiya Nigmetzhanova. — Do not remind him that he is already big, do not reproach him for quirks and inventions. The best thing to help an overexcited child is physical contact. Take him in your arms, hug him: touch increases the level of oxytocin and endorphins in the blood, and they, in turn, reduce anxiety and pain. Rock, lull the child, offer water or milk. And cover well: a blanket gives a sense of security. Stay by his side until he completely calms down.»
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Master the unknown. Do not think that by waking you up in the middle of the night, the son or daughter wants to manipulate you. Every third child 4-6 years old sleeps restlessly and periodically wakes up in fear1. “Children of this age have a rich imagination, with its help the child “thinks” what he didn’t understand in reality, what he doesn’t know how to deal with,” explains Galiya Nigmetzhanova. “This complex work continues in the dream.” Nightmares also speak of the overload of the child with information that he is unable to «digest». Children often get excited after watching cartoons, even short and harmless ones. They are also very sensitive to the anxieties of their loved ones. Even if the mother hides that she is afraid of dogs, the child will catch her tension at the sight of a dog on the street. And he can get scared when he meets an angry dog in a dream.
Find out the reasons for the fear. Look closely at the child during the day and feel free to ask him in a calm environment what really scared him. Many parents mistakenly attribute to their children the fears that they themselves experienced in childhood — a conversation or a game will dispel these misconceptions. If the child cannot express his anxiety either in the game or in words and continues to wake up at night, contact a specialist.
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Find a solution. Compliance with the regime, the alternation of mental and gaming activities will help to avoid an excess of impressions. Instead of two or three cartoons, choose one, and then offer to play a story with toys, draw characters, come up with your own ending. Be there when a child encounters something for the first time — getting on a pony, going to a dark room or daycare. Having coped with emotions during the day, he will sleep more calmly. Leaving a child to cry at night in order to “strengthen character”, or, conversely, rushing to him at the first sob, in order to prevent fright from turning into an anxiety disorder, are two extremes, often dictated by our past, which should be avoided. Now this is not a matter of education: you just need to calm the son or daughter who never cries for no reason.
1 For more information about this, see the book: A. Zakharov «Day and night fears in children» (Speech, 2010).