“I am categorically against the condemnation of child sexuality”

Psychologies: Do you see signs of a “new puritanism” in society?

Svetlana Fedorova: Yes, there is such a trend, and I think that it is especially strong in our country. According to my observations, today’s teenagers are more focused on their careers, on communication in social networks. But sexual pursuits are no longer so interesting to them.

Should we rejoice in this? And is there any point in educating modesty in children?

It depends on what you mean by modesty. If we talk about the condemnation of sexuality, then I am categorically against such education. Manifestations of sexuality in a child cannot be blamed. In psychoanalysis, there is the concept of infantile sexuality, thanks to which the child becomes aware of himself, his gender, role models – and learns to enjoy his body, which is extremely important for obtaining vital pleasures in later life.

If a child starts behaving provocatively (shows his genitals, for example), then this is not just because it means that he is playing some kind of trauma, an internal conflict that most likely comes from the family. And the ban will only exacerbate this conflict. You need to contact a specialist, look for what is behind this. The same exhibitionism in a child, for example, is primarily an attempt to attract attention to oneself, to force one to look at oneself.

Is it good or bad if a child sees his parents naked?

Complex issue. Up to a certain age, this is probably possible. But you need to understand that such an experience can traumatize the child. Adult sexuality is different from children’s. The genitals of an adult can cause fear in a child – a feeling of inferiority, castration (a boy has a smaller penis than his father, a girl has no breasts). And at the sight of the mother’s nakedness, the child may be confronted with fantasies of absorption.

What can this lead to?

There are cases when mothers, who often appeared naked in front of their sons at home, evoked in them an unbearable feeling of excitement and disgust at the same time. As a result, the boys developed an aversion to the female body in general, and they chose homosexuality, although the mothers probably thought the least about this result.

There must be mystery in sex and nudity. And a half-naked body gives room for fantasies, the experience of which in itself brings pleasure. Complete nudity leaves no such space. It may be recalled that even primitive tribes, dispensing with any clothing, still, as a rule, cover their genitals. There must be space for symbolization, for fantasies. Nudity should not become a form of violence.

But that doesn’t mean that you can’t take your kids to a museum where antique statues are exhibited, does it?

Of course not. I don’t really have much to say on this subject. Complaints about the “immorality” of statues in museums usually come from those who are unable to realize their own sexuality, suppress it and tend to believe that everyone around them lives – or should live – the same way. The child must be instilled the ability to admire bodily beauty. It’s just that this beauty should not be too exciting and too literal.