It is customary to look down on women who raise children without a husband: a mixture of pity, contempt and an awareness of their own superiority is read in such views. In vain – our columnist believes that raising a child alone can be much easier than being married.
There is not a single family in my environment that could be called completely happy. Happy, as in the classic drawing of a child: mom, dad and baby are holding hands, next to a house with smoke from a chimney, a tree, a front garden and a bright yellow sun with clear rays caressing this whole idyll. The sun shines constantly, because the child’s drawing was made with a perspective for many summers, and the clouds – white-winged horses – give an even more fabulous mood. In life, the child has to create new pictures with updated realities. The colors are getting darker and the sky is sadder because Mom and Dad are no longer holding hands.
In the children’s work of my son, there were also such pictures, but in the picture the main character always stood next to only his mother. At the same time, the figurine in the style of “stick, stick, cucumber – it turned out to be a little man” always smiled. My son never knew what quarrels, scandals and carve-ups were. My son feels good, warm and cozy next to me, he always felt protection and grew up at the same time as a real man.
Have I ever thought about adding a third person to the canvas? Sure. And even went on dates several times. But at the very first conversations, it turned out that I would have to solve not only my own problems, but also the “borage sticks” in my pants.
It is unpleasant for me that in our society a single mother is treated like an inferior woman.
Of course, the word “loneliness” blows cold. But there is no reason to sympathize, condole and consider the life of an unmarried lady unsuccessful. Raising a child alone, of course, is difficult, but not at all a burden. For an adult, it is absolutely normal to be able to raise your child, not counting him as a burden that must be “pulled”.
There are even many advantages to being a single mother, and sometimes I thank fate for such a combination of circumstances. Remember the words of Katerina from the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”: “Now I think, if I had not been burned so badly then, nothing would have come of me. I think it’s good that you didn’t marry me. ” I understand this especially strongly now, when I am 48 years old and when I have achieved something in life.
The more difficult the path, the higher the achievements, and the more difficult the situation, the more a woman develops her abilities and talents. Not relying on anyone, I gathered all my strength and was able to climb the career ladder. She gave her child a good education and sent her to study in Europe. What if my son’s father had married me then? It wouldn’t work. When he left me, a 19-year-old and a pregnant woman, there was no time to suffer and feel sorry for myself, I had to do everything: study, raise a child, and work for two. And you will not believe it, but independence and responsibility for the baby only gave me strength.
Looking back at many families, I am sure that it was easier for me than for many who are married. I didn’t waste myself on sorting things out. Didn’t waste energy on negative emotions. The concentration of my love and care was focused exclusively on my son. With him we managed to do everything: and run in different sections, and go on weekends to developmental events, and go to the sea on vacation. All this only brought us closer. My son often talked with men – my friends, intelligent, smart, sociable people. The son saw how his mother was respected and absorbed the most faithful human qualities.
No one bothered me to make independent decisions, including how to raise a child. He grew up to be a worthy person.
I myself chose what he was allowed and what was not.
It seems to me that I could not cope with two children – a husband demanding attention and a gray-eyed little curious hustler.
Life also did not burden me. Taking care of only one peasant means freeing up an incredible amount of time for self-study and improvement. Over the years, I even developed a hobby: creating paintings from the herbarium. Together with my son, we collected wildflowers, I dried them and created pictures of my life, where there is a sun made of sunflower petals, a front garden made of oregano and two little daisies holding hands.
I’ll give you my secret. Soon a third man and his mother will appear on the new panel. I’m expecting a grandson! My son got married. I have a wonderful daughter-in-law. And I am happy that our family is doubling, and I once did not begin to exchange for the notorious female happiness with a man. Being a single mother was not scary at all. And it is hardly more difficult than raising a child with a husband.