“I am a psychologist and I advise pregnant schoolgirls”

How to make an adult decision

I have been working with young pregnant women for 19 years. Girls from 14 to 17 years old inclusive come to me after an appointment with a gynecologist — sometimes they already know that they are pregnant, sometimes they doubt. Of course, initially a trip to a psychologist is perceived simply as a tick. After all, most girls come to us (to the City Consultative and Diagnostic Center for Children «Yuventa») not to figure out whether to keep the pregnancy or not. They come for an abortion. But we must create conditions for them to make responsible reproductive choices.

Some people think that counseling is necessary in order for a psychologist to dissuade a patient from having an abortion, but in fact this is not the case. Last year, about 350 pregnant teenagers applied to Juventa. Half of them terminated the pregnancy, the rest decided to give birth

The first question I ask seems to be quite obvious: was the pregnancy desirable or not. And then the girl becomes confused. She went for an abortion and did not allow in her thoughts that it could be somehow different. My goal is to make her think and make an informed decision. And just after the first question, she begins to think more deeply about the situation.

There are always arguments against

I always ask the girl to name or even write on a piece of paper the arguments for and against abortion. “Pros” are usually named lightly: this is the inability to continue their studies, lack of support from a partner or parents, money and lack of housing. But with the writing «against» things are usually more complicated. But the first thing they call is health, that is, girls are afraid of infertility and complications. In second place are moral, ethical and religious aspects, in third place is the desire to have children.

When a girl tells me that she has no arguments in favor of keeping the pregnancy, I ask her to think again and remind her that life is long. Now there are no arguments not to have an abortion, but is she sure that they will not appear a month or even the next day after the abortion? I explain that I don’t need these arguments, she needs them. Again, to make a conscious choice.

There were times when a girl told me: abortion, no options. And then she came a week later and said that she and the young man sat over a piece of paper with their arguments and decided to keep the child.

Pregnancy is the main fear of parents

Before an abortion, one consultation can be carried out, sometimes there are several. First, I communicate with the girl, and then, if necessary, the young man, parents and relatives are connected. As far as I remember, the record is 4 consultations before an abortion.

First the girl came, then her boyfriend, older sister, grandmother and mother. As a result, everyone came and said — no, we will still have an abortion. The girl was 16, and the young man was 17. I remember that her mind was constantly changing. And I am still sure that the final decision for her was made by her parents. They said — we will accept any of your options, but … And this «but» always presses the most.

The pregnancy of a schoolgirl daughter is one of the worst fears of mothers. At the same time, many parents are impenetrable, it is much harder to get in touch with them, they do not want to listen to their child. Parents are afraid of public condemnation, they are afraid of the reaction at school.

One of the patients came to me, being pregnant for a long time. I asked her — what would you most like right now? She said she would like to date her classmates. The girl’s mother, so that she would not be expelled from a very prestigious gymnasium in St. Petersburg, was forced to take measures so that the girl left the city. Therefore, when the question of choice arises — pregnancy and evening school or abortion and a prestigious university in a year — the choice of a teenager who goes to a gold medal is obvious.

Naturally, a pregnant girl is most often not alone. I always ask the question — does the young man know what he thinks about this? I have experience counseling couples after an abortion. And I can say that they were not always preserved. The feeling of guilt pressed so hard that people simply dispersed. And I have worked in parallel with each of them.

On the day of the abortion

If a girl decides to have an abortion, then I will definitely conduct pre-abortion counseling on the day of the operation. Many patients are very scared. My task is to relieve emotional stress, which can affect the state and subsequently the process of rehabilitation. It happens that at the very last moment the girls decide to refuse to terminate the pregnancy. But in 19 years of my work, this happened five times.

On the attitude of adolescents to sex

Teenagers are different now. More often I began to observe serious and responsible guys who care about their health. For example, among them it has become a good form to contact us for a preventive examination, to be checked for sexual infections.

But when I advise girls who are sexually active at 16, I always ask the question — what will you do if you become pregnant in the next month? This question shocks them: pregnancy and sex are on completely different planes and do not intersect in any way. Girls do not allow the thought that getting into such a situation is easy enough.

From my own experience, I can say that many girls are not at all ready to start a sexual life. For example, my 17-year-old patient came in with a request that she did not enjoy sex.

In theory, such issues are handled by a sexologist, not a psychologist. But in the case of this girl, there were questions of a psychological nature — she herself does not need sex, but she cannot say “no” and talk about it with a young man. And this is a common problem. Teenagers believe that if there is love, then there must be sex. I explain to them that relationships, including sexual ones, are, first of all, trust. And if you don’t like something, then you should honestly talk about it with your partner.

Unfortunately, the topic of sex education is still closed, «inconvenient». We still do not have the practice to speak calmly and without embarrassment about methods of contraception, abstinence. One time my male colleague said to me: “It’s crazy, you pronounce the word“ condom ”so easily!” Yes, I can calmly talk with a young man of any age about methods of protection and coitus interruptus.

With parents, as I understand it, such issues are still rarely discussed. Adolescents may be willing to discuss sexual matters with them. But the family is usually not ready for this.

A source: Sobaka.ru.