I am a bad mom

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​worries me, how good a mother am I? I think I’m a bad mom!» — a common female experience. Behind this experience there can be different things: negative assessments of close people (mother, husband, girlfriends), the inner tendency of women to be afraid and worry, or even just a desire to talk about themselves and get their dose of attention.

To get ahead, and then I was praised!

If a woman wants to talk to you on the topic “I’m afraid that I’m a bad mother”, you are unlikely to be able to successfully object: the “Yes, but” game is played easily, and if you want to talk about your fears, as well as lay the blame for these horror stories on herself — a woman can easily cope with this task. It is better if you divert the conversation to slightly different, more productive topics for joint reflection. For example, you can discuss: “Do you think so yourself — or do your relatives tell you about it?” Good relatives are unlikely to convince mother that she is a bad mother, and bad relatives … why listen to them? To bad relatives, “our mother” herself will be in some opposition.

The next useful and important topic is “What do you yourself include in the concept of a “good mother”?” — Most likely, you will hear something from the standard set: “Mom loves unconditionally, the mother develops the child, the mother respects the child, the mother knows how to take the imperfection of the child calmly …” The conversation itself is about something positive, about a “good mother” already a good move. There is more warmth, more joy, more smiles. With your help, the mood can rise a little.

When the picture “What is a good mother” has formed, you can talk more specifically: “Which of this list do you correspond to, what do you not quite?” — and your first interest should be «What are your strengths, what do you do best?» “If you insist, it will be named. And transform the remaining interest in negativity into a statement of the problem: “Of course, you must learn to be a better mother. What do you think you need to learn as a mother? – after which you discuss the action plan, what can and should be done, and where to start. This is a much more constructive conversation.

Negativity from relatives who actively inspire mother “You are bad” is a separate and not simple topic. If it is possible to reduce contact with them, sometimes it will be right, and if this is impossible or inappropriate, it is useful to use the capabilities of the «internal translator» technique.

In many cases, we manage to understand that no matter what these relatives say, objectively they love us and wish us well. Here in such a difficult form for us. In addition, our loved ones often feel lonely and need to feel needed. Therefore, they climb into all affairs and relationships, even when you don’t ask them … Don’t be angry, they had a difficult life, and now they have a difficult situation. And finally, be active yourself. If you do not wait for your loved ones to start discussing you, you have the opportunity to get ahead of them and ask other, more interesting and comfortable topics for your communication.

And if you are a husband, and your wife raises the conversation “I am a bad mother” unnecessarily, you can close this topic by order. And do it as decisively as you stop the attempts of dissatisfied with something children to beat their grandmother or mother. “We can’t offend anyone with our mother!” — and that’s it. No one should be offended, including the mother herself. Because our mother is excellent and beloved!