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They are always cheerful and popular. Entertaining others is their usual occupation, and many envy the ability of these “duty pranksters” to easily throw lines, find witty answers. What is really behind their endless jokes?
“They are called the soul of the company. They are always in the spotlight, they are in high spirits, regardless of the time of day and date of the calendar. And, it seems, nothing can pacify this stream of anecdotes and witticisms. Sometimes it seems that they are really born for clowning and eccentrics.
“But in fact, endless jokes often hide deep feelings and inner discomfort, it would seem, always a cheerful person,” explains psychotherapist and psychiatrist Elena Vrono.
Special Vulnerability
“A very vulnerable person often hides behind the mask of a jester,” agrees psychoanalytic therapist Ksenia Korbut. “Acute feelings – sadness, anxiety, anxiety – are unbearable for him, and a joke helps to relieve tension.”
The ability to joke, including over one’s own misfortunes, hides feelings of embarrassment or shame. Having once tried on a clown mask, the “jester” can make it the main attribute of his image. Buffoonery becomes a strategy of his behavior, which, it seems, saves him from life’s troubles and hardships.
Unstable self-esteem
“Bright, defiant and in some sense aggressive behavior can also hide unstable self-esteem,” continues Elena Vrono. “Merry Men are often internally convinced that they simply cannot interest anyone if they don’t make them laugh.”
We can say that such behavior is born from a distorted perception of one’s own personality. By clowning, such people mask their self-doubt and attract attention without really revealing themselves.
“It’s hard to believe, but “buffoonery” can be one of the symptoms of depression when a person needs professional support, says Elena Vrono. – In psychiatry, there is an elegant term that describes such a state – “smiling depression”: a person puts on a clown mask so that no one notices how bad he really is. It’s hard for relatives to believe this – after all, the “joker” seems cheerful and laughable.
“Now I joke on the mood and in the circle of people close to me”
Svetlana, 35 years old, PR manager
“I am very shy by nature. In my youth, I suffered from the fact that no one pays attention to me – so it seemed to me. Somehow, speaking in an unusual role for me as a storyteller of jokes, I saw that everyone around was laughing to tears. I liked the role of a clown, and I played it in all companies. At first, I really bathed in the rays of public recognition: I was always ready, a little excited, with a new anecdote. But at some point, I felt that everyone around (even my boss) perceives me as a frivolous person who cannot be entrusted with a responsible task. I had to change my behavior. This does not mean that I have completely stopped joking and laughing. It’s just that now I allow myself to be myself in public, which means that sometimes I can be sad.”
Get Recognized
The “jester” is extremely attentive to whether others approve of his behavior or not. He is dependent on the opinions of sometimes completely strangers to him. And the public, having become accustomed to the tricks of a “professional” joker, expects just such behavior from him. And he gets used to the fact that the only thing he can do very well is make him laugh.
“This is a very unproductive position,” adds Elena Vrono, “because in fact other people do not take such a person seriously.”
A talent for clownery, constant communication in plain sight can interfere with a sincere relationship. Relatives have a hard time, because with the help of his wit, the joker avoids serious topics, moves away from the conversation on the merits. When we appear as we are – sometimes funny and moving, sometimes boring and moping – we run the risk of not being liked by everyone. But those who really love us are ready to accept us as we are.
What to do?
Explore your fears
The clown mask helps hide your fears from others. It is worth understanding: what scares you? Do you feel humiliated, rejected? Do you panic when meeting new people? You are a hostage to what experts call “social fear”, when laughter becomes the only defense.
Tell about yourself
Are you interested in fishing? Oriental culture? Have the courage to talk about it. The social circle may narrow, but you will have like-minded people who will be interested in you as a person with similar views and hobbies.
Pay attention to other people
While seeking attention to ourselves, we often lose sight of the fact that there are people next to us who also need attention. Try to show interest in others instead of trying to make them laugh.
Focus on yourself
Try to act regardless of the opinions of others. Of course, keeping the necessary balance, so as not to be left alone.
Advice for those around you
In order to build trust with a joker, choose a method that is understandable to him: joke with him. You should not tell him with a serious look: they say, stop (those) fooling around – this can increase his anxiety and defensive reaction. Let him understand that the clown himself is dear to you – no matter how he behaves and no matter what tricks he demonstrates. It is important for the “jester” to feel: they love me, even if I am not joking and not clown … and without my big red nose.