We are not always ready to admit to ourselves these unflattering qualities, but in other people they are striking. Why can a person’s behavior be contrary to publicly declared views, and the imaginary bonuses for which he is forced to live under a mask crumble like a house of cards?
How is hypocrisy born?
Most often, in childhood, a child understands that it is beneficial to be obedient and tell adults what they want to hear. Mom will set an example for her brother or sister, and this can be used. If you praise your grandmother’s not very tasty soup, you will secretly receive sweets from your parents. By testing the world of adults who love flattery, and each time receiving positive reinforcement, the child carries this successful, as it seems to him, scenario into adulthood.
Internal conflict
“My aunt considers herself a religious person, she is proud of the fact that she denies herself the joys of life, for which she reproaches me and others,” says Olga. – Faith does not make her kinder, she speaks of most of her relatives and acquaintances with disdain. Piety does not prevent her from believing in horoscopes.
“Gradually acquiring the traits of a hypocrite, a person learns to turn a blind eye to many aspects of life,” explains psychotherapist Veronika Stepanova. – In this case, he does not show kindness to his neighbor and trusts horoscopes. These mutually exclusive phenomena conflict. A person feels his own falseness, this is how an internal conflict is born, which leads to neuroticism. The buildup of tension is often relieved through the humiliation of other people or alcohol.”
Hypocrisy as the other side of hypocrisy
Attempts to elevate one’s own importance at the expense of belittling others and ostentatious demonstration of positive (often imaginary) qualities indicate that the Inner Parent is strong in a person. The controlling beginning displaces unconscious aspirations and inclinations. As a rule, it all starts in childhood: if the parents are too strict, the only way for the child to adapt becomes ostentatious ideal behavior. At the same time, natural children’s desires are suppressed: actively explore the world, play pranks, make mistakes, argue.
When such people grow up, not only the enjoyment of delicious food or sex seems shameful to them, but also the manifestation of love of freedom, the desire to go their own way, a critical attitude towards the point of view shared by the majority.
Judging someone often reflects only our fears and unspoken desires.
“These qualities are present in all of us, appearing unexpectedly at different moments of life. But if in others we quickly notice them, then it can be difficult to track them in ourselves, recalls Veronika Stepanova. “But the urge to judge someone often reflects only our fears and unspoken desires.”
So what to do? Be honest with yourself and every time try to realize what lies behind our emotions. This is the only opportunity to maintain inner peace and choose your own life path.
About expert
Veronika Stepanova – psychotherapist. Her