Contents
Overprotection is excessive concern for children. More solidly and scientifically, the same thing is called hyperprotection (from the Greek. hyper — over + lat. protecto — to protect, protect, patronize) The literal translation of the term hyperprotection is excessive care, hyperprotection. So, when describing this phenomenon, it seems preferable to use the second version of the term, which, with its Greek prefix, satisfies lovers of foreign terminology, but is still close to our native language.
Hyper-guardianship is expressed in the desire of parents to surround the child with increased attention, to protect even in the absence of real danger, to constantly keep them around, “attach” children to their mood and feelings, oblige them to act in a certain way that is safest for parents. At the same time, the child is relieved of the need to resolve problem situations, since solutions are either offered to him ready-made or achieved without his participation. As a result, the child is deprived of the opportunity not only to overcome difficulties on his own, but even to soberly assess them. He loses the ability to mobilize his energy in difficult situations, he waits for help from adults, especially from his parents; the so-called learned helplessness develops — a conditioned reflex reaction to any obstacle as insurmountable.
Usually, a higher level of care is shown to children of the first years of life, in the presence of diseases, physical and neuropsychic defects. Outside of these factors, overprotection is more characteristic of not very sociable mothers, with a limited, predetermined social circle. They compensate for their lack of sociability in relations with children. More pronounced than in fathers, the relationship between the type of mother’s temperament and the nature of care: hyperprotection is more common in mothers with a phlegmatic and melancholic temperament. To a greater extent, hyperprotection is characteristic of mothers who dominate in the family, reflecting their involuntary attitude to create addiction in children. At the same time, the psychological mechanism of “obliging” children to act in a certain, once and for all predetermined way works. In addition, often these mothers try to form an isolated couple of communication in the family with their daughters, overprotecting them and not allowing the father to participate in their upbringing. If the daughter resembles her father and feels the need for emotional contact with him, such a conflict structure of family relations can adversely affect the formation of the girl’s character and her subsequent marriage relationships.
A special kind of overprotectiveness is found in mothers with hysterical character traits, ambitious, seeking recognition of their power at any cost. The means of this recognition is the child, whose achievements are emphasized and highlighted in every possible way; an aura of exclusivity and often a cult of permissiveness is created around the child. In fact, the outstanding Russian publicist N. V. Shelgunov wrote about this form of overprotection a hundred and fifty years ago, long before the formation of modern psychological concepts of education, in his Letters on Education: him, is precisely the element of corruption that we are talking about. Why, then, do the first-born and the only children, and sometimes the last children, for the most part turn out to be wrongly brought up? Only because the beloved child is the idol of the mother, and her love is aimed precisely at removing from the child everything that interferes with his children’s well-being. Not only does the child not know refusals, but he is surrounded by a whole network of silent encouragement, constantly flattering him. In every glance of the mother, the child reads approval, at every step he feels that he is the first, the only person — the center of the earth, around whom everything revolves and which he serves. And imperceptibly, step by step, the child grows up in an exceptional sense of primacy, beyond obstacles, contradictions and hindrances, and grows up as an unfortunate «first person», with a flabby character, with no restraining discipline, incapable of fighting life. If the “first man” finally finds his place among people, it will be through many, many sufferings.”
Demonstrative hyperprotection
In fact, care and love in this case are of an external, demonstrative nature, calculated rather for the admiration of others, a public effect, than for a real consideration of the emotional needs and age-related needs of children. This variant of overprotection is observed more often in relation to only children and in some cases in single-parent families. Overprotection here often fills the affectively acute need for affection and love, primarily from the parents themselves.
The underlying desire of the mother to “bind” the child to herself, not to let go of herself, is often motivated by feelings of anxiety and anxiety. Then the need for the constant presence of children becomes a kind of ritual that reduces the anxiety of the mother and, above all, the fear of loneliness, or more generally, the fear of lack of recognition, deprivation of support. Therefore, anxious and especially elderly mothers tend to be more protective. Trouble in family relationships, when the emotional cohesion of spouses (parents) is upset, can also result in excessive attention of at least one of them to children — as a form of compensation for lost intimacy.
Fear for the child
Another common motive for overprotection is the existence of a constant feeling of fear for the child, obsessive fears for his life, health, and well-being among parents. It seems to them that something must definitely happen to the children, that they need to be patronized in everything, protected from dangers, most of which turn out to be the fruit of the suspicious imagination of their parents. Hyper-custody, caused by the fear of loneliness or unhappiness with a child, can be regarded as an obsessive need for psychological protection, first of all, of the parent himself, and not of the child.
To a certain extent, parental anxiety can be justified because of the unfavorable combination of life circumstances in children, especially when they are physically and nervously weakened. However, this creates in the child a reciprocal feeling of anxiety and dependence on the parents.
Inert hyperprotection
Another reason for overprotection is the inertia of the parental attitude towards the child: an already grown-up child, to whom more serious demands must be made, continues to be treated as a small one. Such an attitude usually takes place in cases where superiority over a small, inexperienced, defenseless child, the ability to patronize and instruct him is the main, if not the only, opportunity for personal self-assertion of the parents themselves. It is clear that the growing up of a child, his gaining more and more independence frightens parents, as it deprives them of an important source of self-affirmation. Having no other way to maintain their high status, they unconsciously strive to keep the growing child in the position of a small child, in comparison with whom and in relationships with which it is only possible to show their dignity. Therefore, such parents consider any manifestations of the child’s personal growth as a challenge and seek to rebuff them. This problem is of particular importance in adolescence, when the discrepancy between parental attitudes and the increased capabilities of the child can lead to sharp conflicts. The situation is aggravated by the fact that from an early age, a foster child is poorly oriented in all the variety of life situations, does not clearly imagine the constructive ways of his own self-affirmation, which can result in the adoption of perverted, destructive ways, and this provides parents with new arguments in favor of his personal immaturity. In especially severe cases, this situation drags on for years and prevents the full self-realization of both parents and their grown-up child.
Consequences of hyperprotection
The main unfavorable role of overprotection is the transmission of excessive anxiety to children, psychological infection with anxiety that is not characteristic of age. This gives rise to dependence, lack of independence, infantilism, self-doubt, risk avoidance, conflicting trends in the formation of personality, lack of timely developed communication skills.
Parents need to be aware of whether their attitude towards children is colored by excessive concern and anxiety. An honest awareness of the hidden motives of one’s behavior, as a rule, contributes to the normalization of attitudes towards children and the entire intra-family atmosphere.
The work of a psychologist
For a psychologist, compensation for the phenomena of hyperprotection (hyperprotection) is an intractable task, since it requires long-term, psychotherapeutic work in its essence, and not so much with the child as with the parents, because this problem was created by them and only they can be successfully solved. Moreover, the problem is further complicated by the unwillingness of parents to accept the recommendations of a psychologist, the desire to justify their position with love for the child, a sense of parental selflessness. Genuine selflessness is required in order to recognize the presence of one’s own internal conflicts, personal problems, unconsciously projected onto relationships with the child. This kind of recognition requires a high level of reflection, the lack of which even the most qualified psychologist can hardly make up for.