Husband doesn’t want to have sex with me

“There are a lot of myths around the topic of “men and sex”. It is said that men are constantly excited. That they are ready to put the first woman who comes across to bed if she agrees. That they are insatiable in bed is already the merit of a bestseller about the difficult relationship between a student and a millionaire.

So why, then, are half of my clients women complaining that their partner no longer has sex with them? Because, in fact, these are common clichés that have nothing to do with reality.

When it comes to sex, men and women are the same. Someone feels excited several times a day, someone needs a little love in the evenings or on weekends.

It is not necessary that in the first case it will be a man, and in the second — a woman. Clients have come to me more than once complaining about the lack of sex, but there are also many who ask what to do if a partner demands it too much or too often.

On the contrary, most often he needs a special atmosphere and attitude, especially when it comes to permanent relationships.

But I can tell you what goes through a woman’s head when her man refuses to have sex with her. At first she is simply perplexed, and then she begins to look for a problem in herself.

She changes her haircut, tries to lose weight, starts exercising, changes her style of dress and, of course, devastates stores with sexy lingerie. If all these methods do not work, the woman switches to the man.

As a rule, she has only one option — problems with potency. And then she categorically sends him to the doctor. But the catch is that there can be many reasons why sex is postponed and postponed until later.

And of course, you can not expect that everything will happen by itself. Sex is a part of a relationship that requires the same attention and effort as everything else.

Therefore, refrain from blaming your partner and do not immediately look for the reason in yourself if the quality or frequency of lovemaking does not suit you. Those who are not satisfied with their sex life tend to think that this is a personal problem of one of the partners, and not a problem in the relationship. But I advise you not to shift the blame — this is a problem both personal and general.

As I have noticed over the years of my practice, people often do not see the real reason for difficulties in their sexual life. The first step to solving a problem is acknowledging its existence. Don’t hide behind the wording «he just doesn’t want to have sex with me!», but rather figure out what the real reason is.

Here are some reasons why a husband refuses to make love to his wife.

• Lack of both sexual and personal compatibility between partners.
• Partners moved away from each other.
• Lack of emotional closeness. A husband may not receive proper support from you, not feel loved and valued.
• A man may not want to have sex with you if you often criticize his actions lately and actions, lifestyle.

• Alcohol. It’s hard to admit, but it can be a pretty serious reason.
• A man may no longer be attracted to his wife’s body. Perhaps her figure is now not at all the same as at the very beginning of their relationship.
• Perhaps the interests of the partners completely divergedand the husband has nothing else to talk about with his wife.
• Another woman, even a potential one. If your partner has registered on one of the popular dating services, this is a clear sign of dissatisfaction with your relationship.
• Depression.
• Fear of your own age, horror of aging.
• A man may doubt his sexual abilities, especially if it failed last time and you weren’t sensitive enough to it.
• Sex hurts himand then it’s time to visit a doctor.

• He was bored with sex with his wife, he finds it monotonous, so he doesn’t want it anymore.
• He is afraid of criticism after intercourse (especially if you’ve heard criticism before).
• Stress, problems at work and financial difficulties.
• Health problems: overweight, increased fatigue, anxiety.
• General fatigue at the end of the day.
• He wants to end the relationship with you.
• You denied him so many times, citing malaise and headache, that he had lost interest in taking the initiative in the matter.
• He stopped treating his wife as a sex object. Perhaps you are now just a woman in a dressing gown and pajama pants with stretched knees for him.

As you can see, there are at least two dozen reasons why a man might refuse to have sex with a woman. Do not criticize your partner and do not put pressure on him — try to figure it out together and find a way out.

Author: Tammy Fontana is a psychologist specializing in marriage, family and love relationships.