I am from Armenia. We have been married for 23 years and have three children. My husband cheats on me with prostitutes and lies all the time. What should I do? I want to get a divorce, but I think about children. I don’t know how to be.
Satik, 43
Male betrayal. How much has been said about her? There were many excuses that men are polygamous and just arranged like that … Only now women’s pain does not become less from this.
Cheating is always about breaking the boundaries of your family. You have created an alliance in which you agreed that there will be two of you. And suddenly someone violates these agreements. A third appears and, of course, brings pain with it. After all, this is a violation of the oath that is given at the conclusion of marriage.
Someone can cope with this, but more often such an event is always perceived as a betrayal. It’s a lie. This is the destruction of the most important thing on which the family is built — trust. And here it is important to understand whether you are ready to accept the betrayal of a partner.
You are thinking about children. But to keep a family in which you are betrayed and it destroys you, is it humane? Is it humane to put your misfortune and your sacrifice on the shoulders of children? And to experience the daily pain of betrayal and lies and pretend that you are fine?
Children in this case will see a picture of the family, but they will not feel any basis on which they can really rely. What kind of example would this be for them? They will see that it is normal to lie and betray, that a woman victim who suffers humiliation is also in the order of things.
If you do not want this development of events, then you can make a decision that will return health to your family. Either stop violating your boundaries or create a whole new space for you and your children.
In many cultures, a divorced woman is still perceived as a loser who failed to save her marriage. But I think it’s better to be unsuccessful in the eyes of others, but at the same time remain yourself, than to collapse from lies, pain and betrayal. The choice is yours.