Significant emotional suffering, humiliation is one of the most difficult trials, and can have far-reaching consequences in our lives. How do we turn this painful ordeal into a way to become stronger and more confident in our abilities?

This emotional hurt has its roots in childhood, and the way we were built, in a narcissistic way. The feeling of being reached in his pride, in his dignity indeed concerns our deepest ego.

Humiliate, what is it? It is an act of denigration, of criticism, by physical action, by behavior. It hurts deeply by undermining our dignity, our inner love. The humiliated person then feels belittled, devalued, and his self-confidence is called into question, sometimes even partially destroyed. We then ask ourselves the question: “Are we a person worthy of love?” “.

Negative emotions can surface, such as shame, embarrassment, helplessness.

These negative emotions are very difficult to manage, since they refer to what we represent in the eyes of others, to our “social” identity in short. If one is hurt at this level, it may be that subsequently one is often afraid of the judgment of others, that one prefers to avoid new confrontations, even if it means remaining isolated from the world.

Humiliation can therefore have serious consequences for our connection to others and to the outside world.

Humiliation does not have the same scope or the same importance for everyone. Why are we so unequal in the face of this injury? Because it takes root in childhood, when our emotional brains were so permeable and fragile to negative emotions. In addition, if one felt wounds of humiliation from close people, by whom the attachment was strong, the felt humiliation left even deeper traces, and the wound took hold. for a long time.

For example, if a child felt humiliated by a parent, or if he felt belittled during his schooling by a teacher, a student, in relation to certain failures, results, popularity; this could have given him a bad image of himself and locked him into a phenomenon of repeating humiliation, following a first event, convincing him when he is not kind.

This type of reaction can thus reoccur in adulthood, especially if it is a loved one who is responsible for the humiliation (spouse, close friend, family, etc.).

Sometimes we are not even aware of having suffered humiliation. Some “symptoms” can remind us and those around us that this injury, which can have harmful consequences, has imposed itself on us.

Others prefer to be strong and keep everything inside. However, here are some signals that point to humiliation:

• having a bad self-image, feeling that you cannot be truly loved;
• forgetting to take care of oneself, only worrying about satisfying others, possessing great generosity;
• feel a strong shyness, often withdraw;
• often be aggressive, defend oneself vigorously;
• often having the impression of being rejected by others, or left out;
• be afraid of the gaze and judgment of others;
• not being able to bear having all the eyes of a group on you;
• dislike or endure public speaking.

How to overcome this feeling of wound so strong in his dignity, this shame that invades us and erodes our self-esteem?

It is possible to heal from humiliation, and to avoid locking oneself in suffering and silent anger.

Relativize

First of all, we must put things into perspective: everyone goes through moments of humiliation, of questioning their self-confidence, their self-esteem. To check it out and feel less alone, talk to a few people around you. You will see that everyone experiences similar episodes. If you do not find a sufficiently attentive ear, do not hesitate to speak to a psychologist in order to verbalize your feelings more deeply.

Do not abandon

Perhaps you were humiliated at the worst time, as you tried a new experience, stepped out of your comfort zone and took risks. Don’t give up on what you have started! If the conditions for success were not met this time, they will be next time. Without taking it personally, you will be able to overcome this first failure and bounce back. By relativizing our fears, and by listing our past successes, we understand that we are evolving, and that it is impossible for such humiliation to happen again.

Forgive

When a particular person is responsible for our humiliation, we are resentful, we are full of anger, and we can mull over revenge. Stop! It is useless and will only be a waste of energy. Energy is precious, don’t waste it on negativity. Move on and forgive that person. Maybe she too has experienced terrible humiliations?

Take a step back from the situation

If you can, even laugh at the situation! In short, assuming who we are, whether we are fallible, allows us to assert ourselves and show others that humiliation does not affect us, or hardly at all.