Everyone knows the examples of people who survived in Nazi concentration camps, the Soviet Gulag or during the genocide in Cambodia, Rwanda. They discovered hidden resources in themselves that they did not even suspect about — this helped them get through hell and stay alive. Psychologist Jacques Salome reflects on how human fragility pushes the boundaries of what is possible.
We humans are both fragile and strong, sometimes powerful, but more often vulnerable. We grow and overcome ourselves, but at the same time we are prisoners of our own limitations and are capable of quickly degrading. First of all, you need to accept the very idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbits fragility. It is connected with our natural imperfection, more precisely, incompleteness. When we are born into the world, the process of physiological, mental and personal maturation is not yet completed. We are completely dependent on the environment. Parents, or their surrogates, have a vital role to play in the chain of events and change that will define our entire childhood from the earliest days. This initial fragility will decrease or increase depending on how loved ones behave — help or hinder our development. Thus, the significant figures of childhood, often without even thinking, play a crucial role in shaping our personality. It especially depends on them how we will enter into relationships in the future and react to our environment, friendly or hostile.
Another manifestation of fragility that affects personality is the experience of trauma. Encounters with aggression, violence or betrayal inflict deep wounds on a person, make him feel pain, humiliation, injustice, impotence, abandonment or rejection. Subsequently, these wounds may reopen as a result of seemingly insignificant events, the actions of other people, chance encounters, or simply a combination of circumstances that we experience as negative.
Fragility can be associated with the loss of a dear being, the unexpected departure of a person who was the center of our emotional, loving galaxy — a relative, friend, spouse … Disappearance can sometimes give rise to a vicious circle of suffering and confusion, deprive of vitality.
Another lesser-known facet of fragility has to do with our inner subversion against ourselves. We endlessly think about the same unpleasant event. We can not make a decision in a painfully difficult situation. We run away from troubles and arrange provocations. We experience passion, jealousy, dependence in love. All this often leads us to make mistakes — we make decisions that do not correspond to our personal needs or deep expectations.
It is worth mentioning the inequality of people in the face of misfortune. The same conflict situation, accident or illness responds differently in us, touches sensitive strings in the soul, releases personal fears or desires. And it releases resources that are also different for everyone. Here you need to draw a line between what happens to us, affects us or hurts us, and what we do with it. Everyone knows the examples of people who survived in Nazi concentration camps, the Soviet Gulag or during the genocide in Cambodia, Rwanda, not to mention events closer to us. These people can rarely be called heroes, they usually do not have a strong physique, on the contrary, they look rather weak and unprotected. But they survived, because they discovered in themselves resources that they were not even aware of. The strength of the spirit of these people is higher than that of the rest — it allows you to go through hell and revive your personality from the ashes.
Thus, one of the paradoxes of human fragility is that it reveals not only our weakness and impotence, but also hidden reserves, pushes our boundaries, helps to feel our vitality again.