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Children’s games can sometimes seem strange or too aggressive to us. What points should you pay attention to and how to talk with your child if you notice “alarm bells”?
What do you do if your child’s behavior causes concern? If the teacher says that he has problems with academic performance? What if the other parent tells you that he cares about your child’s emotional state? What are you going to do? If you answered at least one question with “I will seek help,” most likely you are sensitively watching for any warning signs in the behavior and emotional state of your child.
But did you know that you can also see the reasons for alarm in the game of the baby? In order not to miss them, it is important to listen carefully and observe how and what he plays. If you find something disturbing, it may be time to see a child psychologist (preferably a play therapy specialist) who can help your child cope with anxiety or unpleasant emotions. Here are some typical unhealthy signs.
1. He plays aggressively
Speaking about aggression in the game, you need to separate three concepts: aggressive games, aggressive games and «violent» games. Aggressive themes mean the content of game plots: what stories does the child come up with for the game? What do the characters in his games say? If you notice a large number of conflict situations in his games or the manifestation of strong negative emotions, is it worth worrying? Not necessarily: the game for the child is the language of his self-expression. If he gives vent to emotions in fantasies, he will no longer have to show them in real life.
However, if aggressive themes in games are constantly noticeable and begin to appear in communication, this is a reason to take a closer look at the situation. Speaking of aggressive games, we mean the child’s interaction with toys, surrounding objects and play partners. Does he sometimes throw toys at others? Picks fights with other kids when they play together? Offends others or makes hurtful comments about them? If yes, then we are talking about an aggressive game. It should not be confused with the usual «violent» games, which are completely normal and even important for the development of the child.
2. The stories he makes up in games are either left unfinished or always end badly.
Most of the stories that children make up have some kind of ending. Sometimes it may seem illogical or meaningless to adults, but to a child it brings satisfaction from the completion of the plot. If the child’s stories do not have a definite ending, or if the child almost always turns out to be gloomy, this may be a sign of emotional difficulties.
If we accept that a child expresses his or her feelings through play, then we can understand why vague or sad endings to play stories can be a cause for concern. Perhaps the fact is that the child does not understand what resources he can use to solve life’s problems and tasks, or for some reason he has a gloomy picture of the world, or he is experiencing some kind of internal conflict that we did not suspect .
If you decide to find out and ask the child in more detail, try to keep the conversation specifically “about the game”. For example, you should not ask: “Why do you always have sad stories in your games?”, It’s better to ask: “I wonder what happens in these worlds where everyone is always sad?”
3. He is too strict with himself, limits himself too much.
What happens if we try to bend a ruler and a straw? What will break first? There is no way the line can win this flexibility contest because it lacks flexibility. The same applies to people: the less flexibility we have, the more anxiety.
In children, this can also manifest itself in the game. If the fantasy worlds and stories that the child composes during the game seem limited to you, perhaps this shows his inner tightness, lack of flexibility. Such children usually hardly endure any difficulties and troubles, it is not easy for them to adapt to new situations, which can turn into a problem.
4. He doesn’t let his imagination run wild
Do the games and stories of the child seem too realistic to you? Maybe it is difficult for him to give free rein to fantasy and imagination? Fantasy is very important to the game as it helps to rehearse real life scenarios by recreating them in imaginary magical worlds. Psychologically, these worlds help the child, without unnecessary anxiety, to deal with difficult experiences that may arise due to problems in the family, conflicts with brothers, sisters, and parents. When a child loses the ability to fantasize, he begins to lose hope of getting rid of painful experiences. And the feeling of hopelessness can lead to a variety of psychological problems.
Paying attention to the child’s play, you not only develop and strengthen your relationship with him, but also get the opportunity to learn a lot about him, to recognize psychological problems at an early stage, when they are easiest to solve. The main thing is not to criticize, not to impose your ideas about what and how to play, just listen and observe.