Contents
- He recognizes himself in the mirror
- He considers the other as a double of himself
- He speaks of himself in the third person
- He knows how to define himself as a girl or a boy
- He starts to say “no” to everything
- He bombards you with “me all alone!” “
- He refuses to touch his toys
- He accesses the “I”
- At 4 years old: your child’s identity is constructed
At 9 months old, he discovered that he was a whole being, separate from his mother. Little by little, around 1 year old, he begins to become aware of his body envelope and to consider himself as a whole. He recognizes his first name and initiates communication with the other.
He recognizes himself in the mirror
The mirror stage is an important stage, which occurs around 18 months. Able to identify his own image, he can also identify himself on a photo. The image gives the child a visual, external confirmation of what he feels in himself. It allows him to identify himself as a whole, a human form. It gives the “me” its reinforcement.
He considers the other as a double of himself
This is reflected in his games for two: “to you, to me”. “I hit you, you hit me”. “I am running after you, you are running after me”. Everyone plays the same role, in turn. They are not clearly differentiated, each acts as a mirror for the other.
He speaks of himself in the third person
This use of language reflects his inability to clearly distinguish himself from others: he talks about himself as he talks about his mother or anyone else. This work of differentiation will be done little by little, during its third year.
He knows how to define himself as a girl or a boy
It is at about 2 years that he becomes aware of his sexual identity. He compares, questions. He knows which half of humanity he belongs to. From there to being aware of him as a unique being, there is a big step.
He starts to say “no” to everything
Between 2 and 3 years, the child begins to oppose his parents. It’s “I refuse, therefore I am”: saying “no” is his way of saying “me”. He needs to assert his own existence, his identity in full construction. Without giving in systematically, you have to listen to it, to hear it. This famous crisis of opposition is a strong sign of the evolution of his intelligence.
He bombards you with “me all alone!” “
The “me” comes shortly after the “no” and exists in parallel. The child takes a step further in assertiveness, he wants to free himself from parental tutelage. He thus confusedly claims the right to govern his own existence. He is eager for autonomy. Let him do little things as long as there is no danger.
He refuses to touch his toys
For him, his toys are part of himself. You ask him to lend, you might as well ask him to tear off an arm. By refusing, he protects himself against any risk of fragmentation: his self-awareness is still fragile. It is therefore absurd to force a child to lend his toys. It is also pointless to castigate his egocentricity: it is stronger than him. He will later learn selflessness and generosity.
He accesses the “I”
This marks a fundamental turning point in the construction of his identity: at 3 years old, he has completely completed his work of differentiating “me / others”. His vision of the world is bipolar: on one side, “me”, the central character, and on the other side, all the others, more or less foreign, peripheral or hostile, who revolve around him at varying distances. It will gradually be refined.
At 4 years old: your child’s identity is constructed
He is 4 years old, his vision of the world is nuanced. He begins to know himself and to know what sets him apart from other children. He is able to state these differences: “am I good at football? Thomas, he runs fast. It is by differentiating himself from others that he defines himself more and more precisely.