One of the techniques of manipulation and control is to deprive a loved one of love, warmth and attention as a punishment or threaten to do so. What to do if you encounter this behavior?
Have you ever been the victim of such manipulation by your partner? Here is what manipulators usually do:
- Stop caring
- Distracted, treated with accentuated indifference
- Not answering calls and messages
- Refuse to talk and listen
- They act arrogant like they’re your judge or prosecutor
- Refusing sex
- Emotionally moving away
- Build dissatisfied grimaces
- Blame it all on you
When a manipulator hurts a partner with neglect, indifference, detachment, he feels abandoned and stressed. Instead of oxytocin (a substance that helps to feel close to others), stress hormones begin to be produced. The part of the psyche responsible for the relationship experiences a mini-trauma, panic and fear of separation arise.
If a partner often behaves with you detachedly and coldly, “punishing”, you will probably want to change his behavior, return his love, attention and location. So you fall into a trap and let yourself be manipulated.
In this situation, the partner has more power, he easily manages to control you. First, you suffer from a lack of oxytocin and an excess of stress hormones. Secondly, you are in a lose-lose situation because you are not used to manipulating to get your way. You are acting honestly. People who are not inclined to control others usually let them do what they want and do not play tricky games.
What to do if you become a victim? A few tips:
- Don’t forget to take care of yourself
- Look for the source of peace in yourself, not in someone else.
- Don’t try to beg or change the person
- Ignore behavior, don’t let it affect your life
- Don’t let you be controlled
- Be strong and stick to your principles
- If strong emotions are running high, find a way to express them in a safe environment, such as journaling while talking to a friend. Don’t take it out on the manipulator
- Be honest with yourself
- Know that you are worthy of respect
- Realize that you can’t change another person
- If there are no other options left, end the relationship
- Don’t blame yourself
Whatever you do, don’t reward the behavior of the manipulator. If you fall for the hook and follow his wishes, if only to pay attention to you, you will show that his tactics work.
What not to do:
- Trying to please the manipulator, to convince him
- Begging for attention
- Give in to his demands
- Admit your guilt and responsibility for his behavior
- Engage in arguments or discussions
Whatever you do, don’t let yourself get dragged into a dramatic showdown. Be higher and live further. You cannot change another person. Yes, it can be difficult to ignore a loved one who is ignoring you. But this is the most effective response to this kind of behavior.
Remind yourself that life is too short to waste it on pointless arguments and manipulation attempts. Get your thoughts on something else. Visualize yourself strong and independent often and chant mantras that give you confidence (“I can do it. I am strong”).