From childhood, we know that gossip is not good. And we often condemn those who like to spread rumors. Meanwhile, gossip is an important component of the world around us and can be very useful.
Of course, first of all, gossip is what unscrupulous people use to achieve their goals. Confidential information can become a dangerous tool in their hands: they will definitely find a way to use it to their advantage. However, each of us knows how difficult it is to keep exciting news a secret. That’s why we should all admit to ourselves that we love to gossip.
- How sincere are you?
- Are you a manipulator?
The desire to gossip can indeed be seen as a character flaw, but it is also an indicator of a high level of development of social skills. Interestingly, those who do not know how to gossip about others often face difficulties in communication and do not know how to maintain friendly relations.
Gossip is a product of evolution. Psychologists believe that interest in other people’s lives is a by-product of evolution. Our prehistoric ancestors lived in relatively small groups, whose members had to know each other well and actively cooperate in order to survive in the harsh natural environment and drive off enemies. At the same time, the tribesmen were the main competitors in the struggle for resources, so it was important for them to understand with whom it was more profitable to conclude an alliance, and who was unreliable and did not deserve trust. In this battle, the one who had a higher social intelligence, who was able to predict, analyze and gossip, if necessary, won. Such «gifted» individuals became the most influential and successful, and their genes were passed down through the generations to you and me.
- I don’t want to gossip
Anyone who does not want to gossip becomes an outcast. Oddly enough, good gossipers are the most popular members of any team today. The fact is that the presence of joint secrets and the exchange of «hot» news unites people and forms a trusting relationship between them. In addition, by giving away a secret to someone, you are signaling to that person that you are confident that they will not use confidential information against you.
A skilled gossip will easily find a common language with members of any social group. Thanks to his efforts, employees will be quietly aware of what is happening in the team. Research shows that spreading harmless rumors within a work group helps boost morale and increase group cohesion.
Gossip can do a good job for a newcomer, recently joined a social group. Gossip is a peculiar way of adaptation in an unfamiliar environment. By participating in this process, on the one hand, you become «their own», on the other hand, you receive information about a new place. If the neophyte listens carefully to the news swirling around, he will be able to understand, based on the judgments of some members of the group about the behavior of others, what is considered acceptable here and what is not. In other words, he will be able to reveal the nature of group norms and values, in terms of compliance with which we evaluate others. So, one of the functions that gossip performs is the transmission, acceptance and development of informal rules of behavior in teams and society as a whole. With the help of gossip, we learn the unspoken rules of behavior in society.
If an office worker, for example, refuses to participate in the spread of gossip, he ultimately becomes an outsider. The group does not accept him, his colleagues do not trust him, and the employee himself finds himself in social isolation. It turns out that the ability to gossip is a skill that needs to be trained.
- Get rid of painful modesty
Fear of gossip stimulates self-control. Knowing that others are probably also discussing behind our backs can be a major deterrent. The threat of being the butt of gossip and ridicule in a group of friends or colleagues makes us cautious in our judgments and awakens a desire to show our best side. If someone nevertheless violates the expectations of others, then inevitably he experiences the pressure of gossip, which contributes to changing his behavior for the better. Outcasts begin to realize that they are not invisible in this world and others are watching them. Accordingly, they begin to carefully control their behavior.
But gossip about celebrities is the most useful. It is necessary to distinguish between gossip related to the reputation of a particular person and gossip describing any unusual situations. In the first case, rumors become interesting if we personally know the person around whom they revolve. We pay attention to «impersonal» stories that describe funny incidents or extraordinary deeds when we see in them strategies that we can apply in our own lives.
- Communication is a drug: it produces a “molecule of bliss”
Interest in celebrities may be due to the same thirst for learning new life strategies. For better or for worse, we expect lessons from the stars, exemplary role models, just as our ancestors expected this from the elders of their tribes.
At its core, celebrity fixation reflects an innate interest in other people’s lives. From an evolutionary point of view, the very idea of popularity is a new phenomenon that arose due to a sharp surge in interest in the media in the XNUMXth century.
Gossip is the fuel for the media. In modern society, with its urbanization and bias towards virtual communication, celebrities can become your only friends. Thanks to rumors spread by newspapers, magazines and television, popular people begin to imitate our friends. In a sense, our brains are tricked into feeling intimately familiar with well-known characters. Because of this, we want to know even more about the «stars», because the one whom we know well and often see always turns out to be a socially significant figure.
- Why are beautiful girls lonely?
In fact, this imaginary acquaintance with celebrities plays an important social role. Imagine a situation in which a person needs to build relationships with new neighbors or work colleagues. In this case, the presence of «common» acquaintances, in the role of which famous personalities act, is only at hand. It facilitates informal interactions in the team, helps to start communication and makes the new environment more comfortable. Thus, the desire to keep up with actors, politicians or athletes can make a person more adaptable when interacting with strangers and starting new relationships.
Perhaps, based on all of the above, we should reconsider our attitude to gossip in everyday life? There is no need to refrain from private discussions or be ashamed of participating in gossip. Of course, it is necessary to clearly understand what and when it is appropriate to tell, and in what situation it is better to keep your mouth shut. However, the ability to gossip a little allows us to become popular group members who can easily exchange important information with the rest.
See more at Mashable editions.