How trauma makes us superhuman: 5 lessons from Arya Stark

The Battle of Winterfell hit all Game of Thrones fans. Of course, no one knew until the very end in whose guise Azor Ahai would return, who would defeat the White Walkers. But few people were surprised when the prophecy was fulfilled by Arya Stark, who appeared from the void and delivered a single accurate blow with a Valyrian steel dagger into the heart of the Night King. Arya did something that was beyond the power of either Jon Snow, or Daenerys Targaryen, or many others who dreamed of cracking down on the main threat of Westeros. Nevertheless, it was Arya who prepared for this role more than others: she wandered, studied with the Faceless, rightfully becoming a first-class assassin – she has as many talents as other main characters, if not more.

Arya, who grew up in a patriarchal society, did everything wrong from the very first episodes, as it should be for young girls. In the first episode, she fired a bow and hit the target, where her brother Bran could not hit. And this scene largely predicted the course of the series – Arya really surpassed her peers, and much more respectable husbands, and the most powerful of women, Brienne of Tarth. Her story is about how strong a person can become who has faced and lived through trauma.

Arya Stark and her injuries

In seven seasons, Arya repeatedly experienced what in psychology is called complex post-traumatic stress disorder, also known as PTSD or Vietnamese syndrome. According to PTSD expert Judith Ehrman, unlike single trauma, complex trauma is what happens when the victim is constantly in captivity or under the influence of the aggressor. Regardless of how a person is controlled: by political means or at home behind closed doors, all survivors of such an experience behave in something similar.

Arya in her short life has to go through several colossal traumas at once, each of which radically influenced her character and worldview. At first, as a child, she became a witness to the brutal murder of her own father. Thus, at her most vulnerable age, Arya simultaneously lost both her childhood and her faith in goodness. She lost her family, and later she was completely forced to give up her name and everything with which she associated herself. She separated from her family and continued on her way alone, pretending to be a boy, until she was kidnapped by the Dog for a ransom.

Traveling with a Dog is a path full of dead ends. It is during these wanderings that Arya learns that most of those who were dear to her have died. In the first seasons of the series, we see Arya’s constant suffering and her attempts to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. She has no home, she is forced to live on the street, constantly fend off those who want to rape or kill her, experience the death of her relatives over and over again, cope with the temporary blindness and cruelty of her captors – and these are far from all the problems that Arya faces. . Some believe that Arya is constantly going through retraumatization – the opening of old emotional wounds in new circumstances.

At one of the key points on her journey, Arya meets the Faceless. Their teaching becomes the most important event for her: it is the Faceless ones who teach her how to disguise herself and become invisible. Although she is still a child, she is already very cruel. She trains like an adult, because she had to say goodbye to childhood too quickly and learn to survive in situations in which another would not survive. By the time Arya gets to the Faceless Ones, she’s undergoing a colossal internal transformation.

5 Trauma Facts We Learned from Arya Stark

Even if in real life no one from the audience of the Game of Thrones fights the white walkers and does not kill the Night King with a blade of Valyrian steel, Arya Stark can be a great example for everyone of how to survive and cope with trauma with dignity. Here are five facts about Arya that make her related to PTSD survivors.

1. Arya anticipates any danger in advance

As a child, Arya learns from the swordsman Syrio Forel to be as fast as a deer, as quiet as a shadow, as agile as a snake. She also learns that fear cuts deeper than a sword. All of these lessons will eventually help her kill the Night King. Her training with Sirio had really taught her how to use a blade, but even more important was the lesson in dealing with fear. Every day life provided her with a springboard for the battle with this main enemy. Wandering around King’s Landing, fighting an assassin, being completely blind, Arya, still a child, learned to defend herself from enemies.

Many are familiar with the term hypervigilance, which refers to a state of heightened sensory sensitivity often associated with trauma. Arya has this anxiety in abundance: she is used to danger around every corner. Hypervigilance is sometimes thought of as a negative manifestation of trauma, but sometimes it is this increased attention to detail that helps us understand the nature and true motives of another person.

This quality is often developed by people who have experienced violence in childhood. Sometimes they are able, in some supernatural way, to sense a threat in their environment, because they are used to paying attention to the slightest changes in the situation. When we are surrounded by chaos and trauma as children, we inevitably learn to face any threat. A person with a trauma always looks around – this is how his developed intuition appears.

Therapist Athena Phillips writes: “Those who have experienced trauma often tell me that they have something like superpowers. They feel what others do not feel, they determine at a glance whether a person is evil or kind, they predict how someone’s relationship will develop. According to Phillips, such people are often able to recognize the hidden motives of a person, and this is really akin to a superpower, because they have learned to read all the signals of the world around them that may be important.

2. Arya has a fragmented self, but she is looking for herself and strives for integrity

Trauma fragments our personality, undermines the connection between memories, thoughts, emotions and our “I”. Those who have experienced complex trauma often face different facets of their personality that have come about as a result of the traumatic experience. Psychologists say that in such cases, you need to find a way to recognize these facets of the personality and combine them in order to return to a calm and empathic state.

Like anyone who has experienced complex trauma, Arya tries to escape from the horrors of her childhood, taking on new identities and gradually severing her connection with the past. The only thing she has left is hatred for those who killed her family. The need for revenge gradually transforms into a “I” that protects her. With his help, Arya focused on a list of people she needed to kill instead of killing herself and ending her grief.

The search for her true self leads Arya to Braavos, where she has one of the most brutal experiences she has ever had while studying with the Faceless. To become a nobody and turn into an assassin, she has to endure beatings and fear – and learn to fight for herself. It is the attempt to become a nobody that leads Arya to the realization of who she really is. She tells Assassin Jaqen Hghar, “The girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell. And I’m coming home.” It is at this moment that she manages to combine the inner darkness that lurks in her with self-awareness. Only by recognizing her strength, gained only through injury, Arya is ready to return home. Not so much to his family, but to himself.

3. Through trauma, Arya has grown as a person and learned self-control

As therapist Andrea Schneider points out in her analysis of Game of Thrones, everyone who has experienced trauma has grown visibly afterward. Post-traumatic growth of personality is the advantage with which we remain after experiencing trauma. And with Arya, this growth is especially noticeable.

Not only does she manage to integrate the lessons she has learned into sword fighting and archery. She is also studying the art of psychology. She knows how to find resources in herself. Knows how to secretly collect information (for example, when he works as a bowl for Tywin Lannister), then to continue his journey. She learns calmness, self-control, confidence. She knows how to observe, not react.

Arya can put herself in the place of an attacker or someone who is just planning to attack her, anticipate his train of thought and strike first. As a result of the trauma, she gains wisdom and abilities far beyond what can be learned at her age. Arya has no desire to become a leader or a queen, but she can lead people because her experience and strength have much more for her than for those who are eager for power. Arya seeks justice, not power, and is therefore unstoppable.

Those who have experienced complex trauma experience much the same thing. When they rise above their experience and begin the journey to recovery, they are able to make the most of life and succeed at a level that is not always available to ordinary people. As they heal, they have an incentive to live and determination, which are many times greater than ordinary motivation. And they really understand why everyone is doing it.

4. The darkness inside Arya fuels her own light.

Arya is a curious character also because she is not going to forgive those who deceived her or took the life of her relatives. This is an unprecedented story for a TV show, especially since Arya is a woman. Her character is not trying to smooth or embellish. Her most terrible deeds are evidence of her own glory. Experienced trauma professionals say that forgiveness, especially forced or premature forgiveness, can only hurt the survivor. Sometimes forgiveness devalues ​​what we have experienced and prevents us from truly living our pain.

According to trauma specialist Anastasia Pollock, many trauma survivors fall into this trap. They believe that they need to forgive the one who hurt them, but they just can’t. Pollock is sure that they do not need to forgive in order to move on. Emotions are essential to healing. When we are able to feel and recognize the darkest and most negative of them, sometimes they soften and recede.

Instead of turning the other cheek and loving the world again, Arya takes up her sword, Needle, to teach a lesson to those who have hurt her, like Walder Frey. The North remembers, and so does Arya. She avenges those she loved, and we can only rejoice for her.

In real life, there is no place for such harsh and cruel justice. None of us would bake pies out of our enemies—therapists have much more productive ways to help us deal with trauma. But Arya helps to understand one very important thing: trauma cannot be bypassed by following the spiritual path. To return to the light within you, you have to go through the darkness.

The outrage and rage that we feel needs to be seen, heard, experienced. You will have to face them and perhaps express them competently in order to recover. Yes, one could argue at length about whether or not Arya’s revenge is appropriate. But one thing is clear for sure: this image is very far from our stereotypical ideas of those who have experienced trauma – all-forgiving and forgetting all grievances. Arya’s emotions are too strong for that.

5. Arya would never have become so strong if she had not experienced all this.

None of us would ever volunteer to go through the trauma that happened to us. But we have to admit that in the end it turns us into who we are. It is trauma that gives a person the strength and flexibility that Arya Stark has. In the series, entire clans are killed and kingdoms are taken over, but Arya is one of the few survivors of the Stark family. As a traveler and warrior, she faced what no child could endure. But she gets over it and gets better.

At the end of the series, it is this little girl who has become a fearless warrior who defeats the darkness. No one was waiting for her, no one saw her appear. Everyone underestimated her, and this is her greatest strength. It was past traumas that helped her defeat the Night King, avenge her loved ones, and protect her home. Those who have experienced complex trauma are also capable of this. They can give what they themselves have never received.