It would seem that everything is logical and clear, as two times two: our things and property belong to us – but how else? But it also happens that we become too attached to them and are terribly afraid of losing them. In this case, they acquire unprecedented power over us, and now they no longer belong to us, but we belong to them. Moreover, buying new things becomes a much higher priority for us than health and happiness. Why is this happening and what to do about it?
We take a liking to things if they satisfy certain emotional needs. For example, it seems to us that buying a yacht will make us more important, significant, and acquiring a new car or an ultra-modern gadget will make us more popular. We mentally put an equal sign between buying something expensive and our own achievements. As for inexpensive things, they can evoke certain memories in us – for example, the spontaneous purchase of a toy takes us back to childhood.
And in general, there is nothing wrong with trying to make yourself happy in all available ways (of course, legal and not harming others), but hoarding and attachment to things in the long run does not contribute to this at all. If that were the case, the mental health of millionaires whose homes are stuffed with luxury items would always be excellent. However, we all know that this is far from the case. When we “wasting away over gold”, we turn into a mythical dragon guarding a treasure, and this legend does not smell of happiness and mental well-being.
Yes, things can be valuable, enjoyable, and practical, but they don’t give us what we so passionately desire. If we want to become happy, we need to learn to cultivate this feeling inside, not relying on external attributes. A teddy bear from childhood can return us to that cherished carefree state, but not for long, and any, even the most expensive purchase, will not relieve anxiety. Every time we hope that shopping or things we already own will cheer us up, we neglect other, healthier and more powerful ways to become happy.
Moreover, shopping sooner or later can turn into a real addiction. Ruth Engs, a physician and professor at Indiana University, explains it this way: “When we shop, endorphins and dopamine are released in the body, and some of us – according to some estimates, from 10 to 15% of the population – can become addicted to this pleasant sensation.” .
She names the following signs of shopaholism. Such people:
- spending more than they can afford
- go shopping when they feel upset or depressed
- do not realize how much shopping addiction damages their relationship (exorbitant expenses lead to conflicts with a partner),
- they just can’t stop.
Satisfying desire helps us experience a dopamine rush, but only for a short time.
The consequences of shopaholism can hardly be overestimated: according to Engs, shopping turns for such people with an acute sense of guilt and shame (which, in turn, makes them seek solace … in fitting stores or departments of household appliances), leads to financial problems (including huge debts) and quarrels with loved ones.
Does all of the above mean that you urgently need to distribute your property? Of course not (well, unless you’ve been dreaming about it for a long time). Things are designed to make our life easier, more convenient and more interesting, and thanks to them for that. Problems begin when we suddenly decide that they are our key to happiness. A healthy relationship with things is when we own them, and not vice versa.
Has it ever been like this for you: you passionately dreamed about some thing, bought it and forgot it pretty soon? Satisfying a desire helps us experience a dopamine rush, but only for a short time. Keep such examples in mind in case you suddenly want to make another unplanned purchase. Ask yourself: what do I really expect from this thing? Do I want her to make me happy? If so, think about other ways you can achieve this goal.
For example, if you are going to buy a new smartphone model, honestly answer yourself the question why you need it. Do you really like technical innovations so much, or do you just hope that the purchase will raise your self-esteem? You may be the ultimate technophile, but if not, save your money and find another way to take care of your own mental well-being. For example, figure out how to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone – believe me, this will affect your self-esteem much more favorably.
Owning things is neither good nor bad, but it is always worth remembering that any object is just an object, and do not expect miracles from it. All miracles are in our hands.