There is some truth in the joke that, no matter how you raise a child, he will have something to tell the psychotherapist about. We are all human, which means we make mistakes. Our parents did it too, and most of us have something to blame and forgive them for. But some were less fortunate — their parents were real sadists.
When Maria began to tell what kind of bullying she was subjected to as a child, it immediately became clear that her mother’s harshness went beyond the usual. Abuse usually fits into a typical scenario—tension builds, scandal, reconciliation, quiet period, then repeats—but her mother behaved differently. The tension was constant, without interruption. Cruelty manifested itself suddenly, without reason or warning. Instead of reconciliation, she did not speak to her for several months. There was no peace and tranquility in the family; Maria could take a break from stress only in the classroom or visiting friends.
When she returned from school, her mother attacked her with far-fetched accusations and punished her. If she tried to protest, the punishments only got worse. Worst of all, the mother seemed to enjoy her outbursts of rage. She insulted her, beat her with everything that came to hand, did not let her out of the house, took things away, did not allow her to communicate with relatives, threatened that if the girl told someone it would only get worse, sometimes she ignored her for months. Each time she hurt her daughter, she was in a great mood until the next fit of rage.
By all standards, Maria could be called an exemplary girl. She studied well, went in for sports, worked part-time after school. She did her best to stay home less often, which only increased her mother’s anger. It happened that one of the adults saw traces of beatings on the body and called the social service to their home, but the mother forced Maria to lie, threatening to punish her younger sister even more. Relatives tried to intervene, but she severed contact with them and forbade the children to communicate with them.
Ordinary sadism
As a child, Maria’s house was a prison for her, where she was mocked, tortured, beaten. But what kind of parent would treat a child like that? Perhaps her mother was a sadist?
This word comes from the name of the French writer and philosopher de Sade. In his works, philosophical reasoning is interspersed with descriptions of sexual fantasies and scenes of violence. Sadists crave cruelty. It is still not known exactly how this tendency arises, whether it is inherited or develops over the course of life. Sadism is not always associated with sex and murder: such people enjoy inflicting any kind of torment on others. Their cruelty is not caused by cold calculation, like psychopaths, but by the desire to have fun.
Distinctive features
Several tests have been developed to measure sadistic tendencies, one of them is the Abbreviated Sadistic Impulse Measurement Scale (SSIS). It consists of ten statements, with each of which you can agree or disagree:
- I like to watch others suffer.
- I would like to torture others.
- Inflicting pain on others can be fun and rewarding.
- I have hurt others for my own pleasure.
- Everyone would enjoy torturing others if they tried.
- I fantasize about torturing others.
- I have hurt others just because I could.
- I would never intentionally hurt others.
- I had to humiliate others so that they knew their place.
- Sometimes I get so angry that I want to hurt someone.
Sadists as parents
Maria’s mother was certainly a sadist: bullying her daughter gave her pleasure, and when she stopped responding, her mother began to torment her even more. Since Maria had been treated this way since childhood, she considered it normal and only in her teens realized that this was not so.
What mother did:
- shamed her in front of strangers, belittled her achievements,
- beat the girl in the presence of friends,
- left on the side of the road, forcing me to walk home in the dark,
- from the age of seven she left to look after her younger sister, severely punishing for any missteps,
- accused of lying
- punished if friends called her at the wrong time,
- frightened, suddenly appearing behind her,
- pestered by interrogations and accusations,
- locked in a closet with clothes,
- under various pretexts, she was not allowed to parties and meetings with friends,
- required to immediately and accurately carry out any orders,
- for months ignored and refused to talk to her, despite all the requests and pleas,
- rejoiced, watching the punished daughter sob,
- did not miss the opportunity to punish without a reason, solely for the sake of her pleasure,
- never apologized and repented of nothing,
- did not show sympathy, did not pay attention to physical and psychological wounds,
- recalled the bullying with pleasure.
Sadistic parents are the worst. Mother and father must love the child, guide him, take care of him, and such people hate their children, torture them, throw them out of life. Fortunately, Maria left home as soon as she graduated from high school and never regretted it. Several years of working with a good therapist helped her to leave all emotional traumas in the past, where they belong.
Source: PsychoCentral.