How to understand that they are flirting with us?

“Flirting can be confusing, and we don’t always read the signals that our counterpart sends correctly,” said Teresa Didonato, a social psychologist and professor at the University of Maryland. — Often a person is afraid of being rejected and therefore flirts with us not directly, but indirectly: he tries to be very attentive, tells something funny, jokes. And leaves us with the question — what did our interlocutor mean?

A study done at the University of Kansas shows how well we actually recognize when someone is trying to flirt with us. Psychologists observed how strangers communicated with each other for 20 minutes. After that, the subjects shared their first impressions. And what did it turn out?

1. Physical attraction. The more we are attracted to a person of the opposite sex, the more willingly we begin to flirt already at the first meeting. However, as a rule, we keep a sober view of things. In other words, even if we like someone very much, we do not see in his politeness a hidden hint that he is interested in us.

2. Men and women are equally wrong. The vast majority of people do not realize that they are being flirted with. So, only 18% of women guessed that men showed them special signs of attention. Representatives of the stronger sex showed a slightly better result — 36% were able to determine that women wanted to please them. In most cases, flirting was simply not recognized.

3. People are better at not flirting. The fact that they communicate with them only friendly, without any sexual overtones, was noted by 83% of women. And this is quite consistent with the intentions of the interlocutors. Almost the same — 84% — the result was shown by men. In other words, both sexes very soberly assessed the friendly disposition towards them, without trying to pass it off as a manifestation of special interest. However, they showed complete naivety in a situation where they really tried to flirt with them.

“It’s good that we share a friendly disposition and romantic interest even when we like a person. However, due to the inability to recognize romantic signals addressed to us, we run the risk of missing a potential loved one and passing by our love, ”says Teresa Didonato.

How to understand that they are flirting with us?

1. Watch your body movements. In a certain context, smiles, long glances, leaning towards your body or head, as if casually touching your hand, can indicate a special interest in you.

2. Be attentive to what the interlocutor says. Still, we trust words more and with their help we better recognize the desire to please. So if you want your signals to be read correctly, compliment them.

3. Choose a meeting place. If you’re in the mood to flirt, go to places where you can casually chat with strangers: clubs, bars, parties. If it is also an interest club, the «ice» will melt even faster.

“Unconscious attraction acts to any nearest object, even regardless of gender and age,” says Jungian analyst Lev Khegai. “But at the same time, there is also suppression due to socio-cultural prohibitions. So even the thought of flirting may not arise. However, if the situation permits, then the suppression is less and thoughts reach consciousness.

How it’s done?

By the way a man flirts, you can guess how exactly he will care. In the art of seduction, everyone has their own style.

Traditional flirting

People with such a «handwriting» of flirting prefer parties, interest clubs or educational institutions — places where the interlocutors did not meet by chance and an easy, non-binding conversation is an unspoken part of the program. Such people are often more introverted, they do not approach first and wait to be introduced by third parties. Their romantic interest is sometimes difficult to recognize. Most likely, this is how, with emphasized delicacy, without pressure, they will look after.

physical flirting

More revealing style: Involves body language, eye contact, light touch. If you send signals of reciprocal interest to your counterpart, this will motivate him to move further. Your obvious approval of all his actions is an unspoken condition for his activity.

game flirting

Demonstrates a model of extraverted behavior. They joke, do not skimp on compliments and try to establish physical contact: touch your shoulder, take your hand. If you are unfamiliar, then this can be alarming. However, for speed dates, the goal of which is to get to know a large number of applicants and select the most suitable ones in a short time, such a bold tactic can be successful.