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Does your friend “borrow” money from you every now and then, but never pays it back? Does your partner explode just when you gently point out his flaw? Perhaps you should not get involved in such a relationship before it’s too late.
1. He is inattentive to trifles
You ask him what time it is, and he will answer, say: “Almost two.” Although the clock is 13:23. And so every time, in everything. It would seem a trifle, a trait of character. But how to build, and most importantly, maintain relationships without attention to detail?
If a person is too lazy to even tell you the exact time, most likely this is a sign that his own comfort is above all else. And he will hardly be attentive and sensitive to you, he will hardly respect your time and money.
2. Он совершенно не переносит критику
Relationships, whether friendly or romantic, are impossible without periodic conflicts, and this is normal. However, you should not even try to hint to such a person that something does not suit you in his behavior, that he is not acting quite correctly. In response to the slightest criticism, the interlocutor is likely to simply “explode”.
This, by the way, is a direct evidence of problems with the ego. And an inflated sense of self-importance, in turn, makes such people ungrateful and heartless. Which, you see, can hardly be called a guarantee of a stable long-term relationship of any kind.
3. He is not averse to profiting at the expense of others
When it comes time to pay in a cafe, it turns out again that your friend is missing 100-200-300 rubles. Just like last time. And the year before last … And he also regularly asks you to throw money on his phone, with a promise “then you will return everything.” But that “later” never comes.
And it seems that the amounts each time are so frivolous that you should not worry. Only here, perhaps, the whole point is that you attract your friend solely as a source of finance.
To be clear, this is not about those who really found themselves in cramped circumstances or a difficult financial situation (such people, as studies show, are often very thrifty), but about a person who likes to profit from someone else’s – your – account.
4. He has a weird sense of humor and you are not allowed to joke about him.
Конечно, шутка шутке рознь. Но многие умеют посмеяться над собой, особенно если собеседник пошутил по-доброму. Многие, но только не такой человек. Речь опять же об уязвленном эго.
But that’s not all – usually such people have a peculiar sense of humor, rather aggressive and cruel. They are sarcastic and even in playful dialogue seek to rise at the expense of others.
Часто шутками они проверяют, как с собеседником можно, а как нельзя, где проходят его или ее личные границы. Если вы возмущаетесь, то слышите в ответ: «Ты совсем, что ли, шуток не понимаешь?!» Если же терпите — что ж, готовьтесь и дальше быть объектом насмешек.
5. He loves to gossip
За многими из нас водится такой грех. Есть даже теория, что это один из вполне «законных» способов передачи информации, который к тому же помогает нам выстраивать отношения. Но если общение строится из одних лишь обсуждений чужой частной жизни, это очень плохой знак.
People who are characterized by the “dark triad” of personality traits – narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy – often tend to gossip about others. This gives them real joy, and if it’s also possible to harm someone …
К тому же у таких людей настоящий талант вовлекать окружающих в подобные обсуждения. С ними вы чувствуете себя заговорщиками, которыми доверили ценную эксклюзивную информацию. Так что, если ваш друг любит посплетничать, обращайте внимание на то, как часто это происходит и не может ли это навредить другим. И уж конечно, такому человеку не стоит доверять слишком личную информацию о себе.
6. He is obsessed with the impression he makes on others.
Most likely, having made friends with a person in real life, you will begin to follow each other on social networks too. This is where it may turn out that the visual image that your new friend or partner seeks to maintain is very different from the real image.
A profile photo can say a lot. If you scroll through the gallery and find only “glamorous”, retouched pictures there, this may tell you that your acquaintance has narcissistic traits. But, of course, what is more revealing is not appearance, but behavior.
You can catch a friend that he regularly misleads subscribers and “friends” (for example, about his financial situation), thereby trying to impress them. To be honest, we all tend to desire to seem better than we really are. But when it develops into an obsession, it is better to be on the lookout.
Give yourself time
Of course, this is not a complete list of signs that you should pay attention to. For example, did you know that what we choose to eat and how we eat can tell a lot about our personality? So, the results of one study showed that people who prefer fruits and vegetables to meat are often more open, and honest and conscientious people try not to lean too much on sweet and salty foods.
Another study linked neuroticism to eating slowly and not enjoying it. However, all this is rather amusing facts than a guide to action.
Понять, что другой действительно не стоит нашего времени, нелегко. С одной стороны, не хотелось бы приходить к поспешным выводам и вешать ярлыки. С другой, тратить ресурсы на человека, общение с которым не приносит удовольствия, тоже не хочется.
The best thing you can do, taking into account all of the above, is to listen to your feelings. How do you feel about this person? Comfortable, easy and safe or are you on pins and needles all the time? If you feel something is wrong, it is not necessary to immediately cut off all contacts – just take a better look at the other and listen to yourself.
Trust your instincts and you will understand if a person is worth your time, attention and love.