How to understand that a teenager has depression: 11 signs

“There are a lot of things I don’t like about me. It’s easier to say what you really like: this tattoo on your arm. But I wasn’t born with it, I made it. And I also like the way my freckles look in the summer. I have a lot of freckles and I love how they come out from the sun. And everything else I do not like absolutely and categorically. And I always wanted to have brown eyes. I hate my blue ones … “Ksenia, 16 years old

“Ivan understands any inattention to him as the dislike of others and sees his guilt in this dislike … Several times he tried to commit suicide. And now he thinks about it often …. He seems to be punishing himself and for this purpose uses both alcohol and serious drugs.

And he also destroys his relationships with people, especially romantic ones. When, for example, he had something with a girl, he became scared and then felt bad, and he just ruined it all to know that it was his decision. And that no one hurt him. So that she doesn’t have time to find out that something is wrong with him.

All the joy in his life is felt by him as something unreal, distracting him from his sadness, and sadness is real, and this is forever … ”(Tatiana, a friend of 20-year-old Ivan)

Journalist Anna Leontieva cites these personal stories in her book on the borderline states of adolescents “I believe that it hurts you!” (Nicaea, 2020).

The number of young people suffering from manifestations of depression is growing every year. About one in eight teenagers knows what this difficult state of emptiness and meaninglessness is, experts say. Attributing some of the manifestations of this disorder to the characteristics of adolescence, parents and other adults may miss the first signals.

How to identify the problem before it’s too late?

Anna Leontieva and clinical psychologist Douglas Riley, a specialist in child and adolescent depression, point out the following symptoms that parents need to take seriously.

Prolonged depression

For a teenager, in principle, it is natural to close (conditionally or physically) – to avoid communication, to be sad, not to answer questions, not to rejoice at what he was happy about before. But pay attention to the duration of this state and how much it prevents the child from living in his usual mode.

Depression and / or irritability, observed almost daily, for many hours is an alarm signal. This also includes a sharp change in any typical behavior of the child: for example, he was always collected – he became absolutely absent-minded, as if “with an empty head.” He liked to communicate – now he avoids companies.

Self-harming behavior

If teenagers inflict cuts on themselves – on their arms and legs, sometimes on the stomach, often very carefully, symmetrically, as if to admire them – this is a very serious sign. He speaks of a difficult internal state, when a person is inclined to express his internal tension and emotions literally – through the body.

Sometimes teenagers describe it like this: “To drown out the inner pain, I need to hurt myself physically”, “I would like not to be – I can’t bear it, I don’t know what is happening to me.” Cuts do not always indicate depression or a suicide attempt. Often it is an exploration of pain, an exploration of one’s body. But self-harm is always a reason to turn to a specialist and find out how dangerous the situation is!

Тail future

When we talk with a child about the future, we can ask him: “How do you imagine your life, our life in five years?” One of the signs of depression is the so-called tail future – a “shortened future”, when a person does not have the feeling that there is something ahead.

However, in such a conversation, everything depends on your existing relationship. If a teenager feels that this is not a dialogue, but an attempt to impose something on him in the format: “Well, will you be a loafer or a plumber – or will you finally get down to business?” – it will close. Try to talk to him about what really worries him, try to hear his opinion and desires, even if they seem completely “frivolous”.

Weight and eating disorders

One of the symptoms of a depressive disorder can be significant weight loss or gain without dieting. A change in weight of more than five percent within a month is something to think about.

Depression is often associated with anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating, and other eating disorders. Behind them there is always some deep problem and inner pain of a teenager, and this is his cry for help and an attempt to get what he lacks. First of all – attention and love.

There are several other features in the behavior or condition of a teenager that should alert parents. These are manifested daily or almost daily:

● a marked decrease in interest in any or almost any activity for most of the day;

● insomnia or drowsiness;

● psychomotor agitation or lethargy;

● Feeling tired or low energy;

● feelings of worthlessness or excessive and unreasonable guilt;

● reduced ability to concentrate, indecisiveness;

● as well as constant thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts without a clear plan, development of a suicide plan, suicide attempt.

If you notice at least five of these symptoms in a teenager for two weeks in the absence of such manifestations in the past, this is a reason to immediately contact a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

Become a support

As a rule, there is no single cause of depression. Chemical processes in the brain interact with stress caused by external conditions, including relationships with others. Negative thinking, in turn, increases stress and affects brain biochemistry, and so on.

“Any illness is a creative adaptation to the environment in which a person is,” Anna Leontieva quotes the words of the Gestalt therapist Konstantin Vladimirov. – Depression anesthetizes and saves a person from the horror that he should, but cannot survive. If we start fighting depression, the person starts fighting to keep his condition. The solution is this: not so much to fight the disease, but to gradually cultivate the healthy part of the psyche.

In the borderline states of a teenager, his supports are destroyed. Parents and loved ones need to shape the reality of this world, to prove: “Whatever you do and feel, I am always with you and can help you!”

Therefore, the first and most important thing that parents need to do is to be in contact with the child, listen to him with attention and respect and warm him with his love.

It is only in a space of trust that discussing with the teenager the negative thoughts and beliefs that fuel his depression will make sense. Only under such conditions will it help your son or daughter to look at himself more adequately and feel better.

Read more in the books: Anna Leontyeva “I believe that you are in pain! Adolescents in borderline states” (Nicaea, 2020).

Douglas Riley, Teenage Depression: Why Many Children Experience This Condition and What Parents Can Do to Prevent It from Ending in Tragedy (Rama Publishing, 2014)