Contents
- 1. You know how to laugh at yourself and at each other
- 2. You find ways to express your love even in small things.
- 3. You agree with each other on important issues
- 4. You are condescending towards each other
- 5. You don’t count who owes what to whom.
- 6. You do not avoid problems, but solve them together
- 7. You accept responsibility for mistakes
A serious relationship is a marathon, not a hundred meters. For some couples, relationships begin passionately and violently, but over time, the “fuse” disappears. Others move “slowly but surely” and stay together even decades later (and sometimes for a lifetime). It turns out that these couples have something in common.
Your union definitely has a chance if:
1. You know how to laugh at yourself and at each other
“Let’s make it clear right away: we don’t mean malicious and contemptuous ridicule, which serve only to feel one’s own superiority over another. That kind of bullying destroys relationships. It’s more about the ability not to take yourself too seriously and the ability to laugh good-naturedly at quirks – yours or your partner’s. These can be jokes about, say, your partner’s favorite movie, his or your past mistakes, or selfish actions, ”explains psychologist Ryan Howes.
2. You find ways to express your love even in small things.
“It is easy to have sex, but it is much more difficult to show your love every day. There are many ways to show your partner how much you love and appreciate them. Every little thing plays a role – for example, she does not forget to make him coffee in the morning, and he constantly reminds her how much she appreciates her hard work. If partners constantly care about each other, this is an important sign that the relationship has a great future, ”says family therapist Kurt Smith.
3. You agree with each other on important issues
“For a relationship to last, it is important that the core values of the partners match. Studies show that the closer the views are on issues such as religion, money, the number of children and the characteristics of their upbringing, the higher the likelihood that people will live together all their lives. That is why it is better at the initial stage of dating to seriously discuss your main life values - they are unlikely to change much in the future, ”advises Carl Pillemer, professor of human development at Cornell University.
4. You are condescending towards each other
“Even when your partner lets you down or does something bad to you (like being late to your birthday party), you assume they have a reason and didn’t do it to spite you. Instead of blaming, you simply explain to your partner how their act made you feel, and suggest what can be done to avoid repeating such mistakes in the future. If your partner is still endlessly late, you just have to put up with it. In the end, you yourself chose this person, ”recalls sexologist Celeste Hirschman.
5. You don’t count who owes what to whom.
“Ideally, partners love and care for each other without expecting anything in return. They share their love “for free”, the expression of feelings for them is a reward in itself. But this is not always the case. In many couples, partners do something nice for each other in return. Arguments start like, “I washed the dishes five times last week!” or “You have already gone to meet your friends five times, and I have only met my friends once during this time!”. Instead of calculating who owes how much to whom, and expecting the partner to “compensate for what is missing”, why not just agree on an option that will suit both? For example: “We both hate to wash dishes, let’s do it in turn: one week – me, the other – you,” suggests Ryan Howes.
6. You do not avoid problems, but solve them together
“In a healthy relationship, partners don’t put off solving problems. Difficulties are an integral part of life, they should not be considered as something bad, which must be avoided at all costs. Often, overcoming difficulties together can bring partners even closer and strengthen their relationship. It takes courage to cope with problems, but the reward will be a stronger and more reliable alliance, ”says Kurt Smith.
7. You accept responsibility for mistakes
“It is important that each of the partners takes responsibility for actions and their results. If you did something wrong because you were upset and worried, you should admit your mistake and explain yourself. For example: “Sometimes when I’m upset, I literally start to haunt you. I understand how exhausting this is for you. To which the partner may respond: “Yes, it is not easy. And sometimes I kind of “switch off”. It probably scares you.” If partners are ready to take responsibility for their behavior, their relationship has a great future,” says sexologist Daniella Harel.