How to understand if we miss a person because he is important to us, or if we are just lonely?

Evgeny Yakovlev, psychologist-consultant, business coach

I suspect that we are always bored because we are lonely and have nothing to fill our lives with. This is what makes the person on whom we project our unsatisfaction important: as if if he were nearby, then everything would be different … The real, non-projective importance of a person in our life is not exactly determined by the level of boredom or longing for him.

I travel a lot for work and school. My loved ones stay at home. But I rarely miss them, and precisely when there are pauses in interesting work or study: I ​​am not busy, boredom arises, a nagging feeling of wasted time, and this boredom is experienced as a “beautiful”, “good” longing for those whom no nearby. It’s also socially approved, such as a sign of seriousness and devotion. But no. Boredom and melancholy are a sign of boredom and loss, restlessness, and nothing more.

And when I arrive, I observe the reaction of my twins, who do not know how to do it right. Mila says to me: “Dad, I didn’t miss you!” And I praise her: after all, this is not about the fact that I am “not important” to her. This is about the fact that her life is filled, there are other beloved close people nearby, and she and her sister, at the age of 5-6, are up to their ears in figure-gymnastics-swimming-piano … I am important to them. There is no time to be bored and there is no need. Together happily and joyfully.

Masha Martynova, HR manager

I’m not sure they get bored only when they’re bored. And with a very full life, you can think about a person constantly. Is this a sign that the person is really important? In my opinion, yes.

In general, there are two options: either you are bored and thoughts revolve around someone simply because this person is in your life. Or, at any, even the most exciting moment, you think about him (it’s a pity that he’s not around, as you want to share what is interesting), which means that the person is important.

I also like Begbeder’s: “Here’s the simplest love test for you: if, after spending four or five hours without your mistress, you start to miss her, then you are not in love – otherwise ten minutes of separation would be enough to make your life absolutely unbearable “.

Mikhail Frolov, marketer

You can miss exactly your people – there are many acquaintances, but you don’t want to be close to many. I want to be not in a crowd of people or friends, but next to my person, to be with him all my life, sharing emotions, keeping close.

To figure out who this is for you, think about who you would take with you on a multi-year trip around the world. It’s even easier for adults to figure it out. The main thing is not to regret later that you did not spend the best years and time on a person if he is no longer with you. It will just be your memory.

Anastasia Bodenchuk, philologist

My opinion is the opposite of that of a psychologist: if I miss a person, then I miss him. I’ve learned to trust my feelings. Is it wrong?