How to turn off your head during sex

Why is it important to switch from thinking to feeling?

One of the most popular questions for me as a sex coach is: “How do I turn off my head during sex?” My answer: nothing needs to be disabled. You are not robots: “on-off brain.” But what is really important is to switch your attention from things that are not important at this moment to your feelings.

What do I see now? What do I feel? What are the emotions in the body? How does my skin, my breasts, my vulva react to being touched? What does my partner smell like, his skin?

But it just sounds so simple: feel. After all, many of us have this ability stopped in childhood. “Don’t cry, don’t shout that you rejoice so loudly that you sing so loudly,” they told us. And now in adulthood we live with blocked emotions inside.

We are accustomed to analyze everything, to think, and have completely forgotten how to hear our body.

Only then can we turn off the whisper of extraneous thoughts and immerse ourselves in sensations.

But for this you will have to make an effort. Allow yourself to express emotions without dividing them into good or bad. If you have been offended, talk about it. Confess your love, even if you are very shy.

In the matter of reviving feelings, for me personally, breathing practices and intimate gymnastics are saving. They allow you to reconnect with the body. The pelvis is unlocked and the sensitivity of the vagina increases, the lungs straighten out like a flower, with each practice the impulses to excite grow. Your body responds to you, and unnecessary thoughts remain outside the bedroom.

3 ways to turn off your head during sex

Another common reason why we lose contact with the body is a non-resource state. And if during sex thoughts about meatballs creep into your head, ask yourself the question: “When was the last time I was on vacation?” or “When did I take care of my body, do what I like?”. Well, sacramental: “How adequately do I treat my body? Do I accept it?

Once you find the cause, you can work through the bodily deafness.

• Rest more, get enough sleep, don’t bring work home. Let the house be a safe area where you can relax and immerse yourself in the sensations.
• Finally love your body. Mirror practice helps a lot in this, in which you observe yourself naked without judgment and criticism.
• Create your own ritual-switch – conditioned signals with which you will tell the body: “Soon there will be sex.” The kind of arousal anchors you put in your bedroom: an incense lamp, a particular track, a certain kind of tea you brew right before sex. Choose something special that you don’t do in everyday life. Perform this ritual before sex regularly. Over time, only the smell of a candle or special music will switch you into a playful way.

Why do thoughts appear and sex disappear?

I noticed such a paradox: questions about extraneous thoughts during sex are mainly asked by women in a long-term union. And in couples that have converged quite recently, it practically does not occur.

All because of the differences that exist between the beginning of a relationship and its continuation: during a period of acute love, you are always in the moment, your thoughts are focused on each other and on your own feelings. Over time, emotions dull, and you begin to analyze how you look, or some extraneous things – for example, tomorrow’s report at work.

In general, it is normal that wild passion gives way to comfortable intimacy. It is not normal in this case to put up with “extra” thoughts in bed and live out your boring sex without orgasms.

The most false stereotype around sex: “Everything will work out by itself.” No, it won’t get better: we need to work on it.

I have been in the topic of sex, intimate development for almost 15 years, and every time I am surprised: how much new my body, the body of my partner, can give me. It is enough just to go deep and take responsibility for your enjoyment. Do not relieve yourself of obligations for the quality of your intimacy and begin to act: to learn more about yourself, to establish contact with the body, to study sex on your own, to learn to please yourself. Then the extraneous thoughts will recede, and orgasms will appear in your bedroom.