Contents
How to trust a person who has already failed me once again
Psychology
The first thing to understand is that in our relationships there are sometimes disagreements, but that these can have a solution to trust again
La Trust it is something that is learned from our birth. It begins with our parents letting go of our hands in our first steps, even with the possibility that we fall to the ground; going through adolescence, when we promise to get home at the agreed time, and reaching adulthood, a stage in which most of our actions are based on this belief.
We are born dependent on others to take care of us and protect us, since otherwise we would not be able to survive. We need food, physical contact, kindness, tranquility and security, among others. Ana de la Mata, a psychologist at the Cepsim Psychological Center, explains that we have an innate biological impulse that leads us to relate to those who take care of us. And in the best of cases, the people who take care of us will also have a drive that will lead them to relate to us and meet physical and emotional needs.
“Our experience as children is essential in the development of trust, but not definitive, since the significant relationships that we maintain in our adolescence and adult life also contribute to this learning,” says the psychologist. And as long as others are receptive to our needs and tune in to our emotions, everything will flow. On the other hand, not all caregivers or important people can or know how to approach us emotionally or physically, nor can they meet those needs that we request. «When this happens our instinct to seek to others to be cared for, protected or linked emotionally is damaged, “he exposes.
Hello, mistrust
In this case, when we notice that we are not understood, what we learn is to distrust others because we realize that they do not understand our needs or that they respond to them with anger, attacks or with responses that instead of calming us increase our discomfort. “In this way relationships cease to be a source of support or enjoyment,” warns the Cepsim Center psychologist.
It should be noted that, as Ana de la Mata warns, it is important not to confuse a Trust with perfection: «No one can always and immediately capture and meet all our needs. What we need to learn to trust is that our caregivers are good enough. This means that, although they do not cover all the needs, they must be able to realize their mistakes and repair them».
When something breaks
This is how we learn that in our relationships there are sometimes disagreements, but that these have a solution and that after them you can return to trust. But when trust is constantly broken, each person and situation is unique, they have a solution: «The way to repair a fault is individual and it depends on our history of trust ties, experiences, beliefs, circumstances of the event that has broken the Trust, history of the person who has failed us, our history with that person, etc. », says the expert.
For this reason, he indicates that it would be a good start to review all these aspects to make decisions that are adjusted to our particular situation: “Psychotherapy is an ideal space in which to do it,” he advises.