There are people who are ready to follow reasonable rules, and there are people who do not want to live by the rules on principle.
Usually these are either people with the psychology of a human child, or someone who considers himself significantly more expensive than you: see Price in the marriage market. If you respect yourself, you won’t mess with a person who refuses to abide by reasonable, mutually agreed upon rules.
Accordingly, your search field is already narrowing, and you know what kind of people you want to live with.
Start with rules that protect your partner. You need to be an honest person who, first of all, composes rules that protect a partner from himself.
“We really need rules, because I get carried away, I often want to do this, let’s find wording now so as not to climb into your territory. Let’s determine that your business is like this, and that I don’t poke my nose into it. What time do you wake up in the morning — whose question is this? Our common, or your personal?
You teach the person that the rules protect her in the first place. So that she poke your nose several times: dear, are you breaking the rules that you yourself wrote, and we agreed. Then you need to sigh, say «yes, rules are sacred.» You teach each other that you both need rules.
The second stage is the consolidation of agreements. It happens that they seem to have agreed, but there is no serious attitude to this. Then you need to wait: skip the little things, but wait for a serious puncture of the partner and, when his / her fault is obvious, put the question point-blank: “I want to discuss what just happened. It seems that we wrote in the rules that no one does this. Either we follow the rules, and then I follow them; or we agree not to follow the rules.”
Here you need to be prepared for an aggravation of attitude, for tension, for emotionally difficult conversations. You are ready?
You continue:
“You really want to break the rules? Do you really want to let me hit you with words, humiliate you?”
“Are you suggesting that we have special rights for men and women? Amazing. Do I understand correctly that I have exclusive rights that I can insist on only because I am a man? So, in this family, I am the man. Either you accept it, and you will have a man, or you live in a family where there will be no man, and it will not be me.
The final question — who is more interested in whom — is definitely worth it, and you need to make sure that both parties are very interested in each other.
Successful accustoming: rules
The matter of teaching has its own rules. See →