A lot has been said and written about how important it is for a child today to be able to sympathize and empathize with others. But is it possible to teach it? If yes, how to do it? First of all, by personal example, the psychotherapist Tarra Bates-Dufort is sure.
A few years ago, I fell down the stairs at the office. The result is a broken ankle, severe bruises on the face and a bruise under the eye. When they let me go home from the hospital and I crawled into the apartment with difficulty, my daughters were dumbfounded. Their faces showed a mixture of fear and confusion.
Seeing how frightened they were, I tried to calm them down, assuring them that everything was fine with me, that I just fell down the stairs and everything would be fine. I made my way to the couch, followed by their frightened glances. I probably fell asleep right away, and when I woke up, I found that my black eye was sealed, there was a cup of tea on the table and a piece of my favorite pie, and my daughters were sitting next to me.
Children have an innate capacity for empathy. They are naturally able to empathize with someone else’s pain and sadness – whether it is about other children or pets. As the child grows and develops, a kind of internal struggle begins – empathy “competes” with childish selfishness and undeveloped self-control.
We, adults, should set an example for them, because children mainly learn by imitating their parents.
Children can learn to be patient and think of others if parents encourage them to develop these qualities. Most of us have witnessed the tantrums that children throw when they are tired, hungry, uncomfortable, or not given what they want and not allowed to do what they want. Over time, they learn to better tolerate such dissatisfaction.
It is very important to teach children to be tolerant and empathize with others. We, adults, should set an example for them, because children mainly learn through imitation of parents and other loved ones. We learn empathy all our lives, and parents should start talking about it with their child as early as possible. In these conversations, it is important not to avoid “difficult” questions and openly discuss individual differences.
Children are very curious and often ask such questions about people, things, about the world that adults are surprised: why did the child even think about this? The way children express their emotions, react to conflict situations and other people’s experiences, largely depends on their temperament.
How to develop empathy in children
1. Encourage their curiosity and passion for exploring the world.
2. Teach them to care for others and for themselves.
3. Do not cultivate selfishness and spoilage in them, do not encourage rudeness.
4. By your example, show how to show sensitivity, care, empathy.
5. Give up double standards: do not treat some groups of people differently than others.
6. Teach the right attitude to mistakes: explain that mistakes are inevitable, they must be acknowledged, accepted responsibility and apologize. If you make a mistake, show the correct reaction by your example.
7. Make sure they follow the rules. Well-established, unchanging limits help children understand how their behavior and transgressions affect others.
8. Pay attention to situations when children show kindness and sympathy, praise them. For example: “I liked that you helped a friend treat the wound when he fell.”
9. Encourage your children to want to help others.
10 Wean them from labeling others and speaking badly about people.
11 Don’t let inappropriate behavior go unpunished.
As children grow older, they will begin to better understand the importance and value of compassion, especially if they participate in charitable or volunteer activities. Compassion helps to develop other important personality traits that will be useful to the child when he grows up, and in addition, help him to treat others more tolerantly.
About the Author: Tarra Bates-Dufort is a psychotherapist who specializes in dealing with family issues and working with psychological trauma.