Our teenagers are vulnerable people. On the one hand, they easily follow the lead, it is difficult for them to say “no”. On the other hand, they are overly stubborn. Sometimes you will not be asked to help around the house or do something important. They are gullible and naive as children, but they are in a hurry to proclaim themselves adults and independent. In a word, the unity and struggle of opposites in a single teenager. We can explain the basic “rules of the game” to them and help them avoid some awkward situations.
Almost every modern mother from the cradle inspires her child: “You are a person.” And he teaches you to set your boundaries and fight back adults with phrases like “Don’t yell at me.” Without such skills, people grow up too guided: if you are told to do, they will do it. Even to the detriment of their own interests. They asked, and it is impolite to refuse.
But in some situations, we act inconsistently, instilling in the child “obedience” and masking it with “politeness.” “Say hello!” Grandma tried, cooked ”- familiar phrases? Let’s not argue, it is necessary to say hello and thank. But other situations leave the right to choose. Let’s take a look at some of them.
To answer or not to answer this or that question is the right of everyone. Unless, of course, you are on the exam. And “putting pressure” on a teenager in such a situation means depriving him of this right. If there are topics that your son or daughter doesn’t like to talk about, come to his aid, turn the conversation around. Teach how you can do it yourself.
History of Life
My son is leaving school soon. And for the second year now, all our friends, at every opportunity, consider it necessary to ask: “Have you already chosen a university? What is the passing score? Is the training paid? ” etc. To be honest, we are already tired ourselves. Parents of high school students will understand me. Yes, we have so far stopped at three universities. Yes, we hope that our son will successfully pass the exam, and then we will already make the final choice. Yes, perhaps in favor of paid education. All of this is associated with experience. And every such question is an unnecessary reminder and stress. Moreover, there is usually empty curiosity behind them. And my son and I decided: it is not at all necessary to devote everyone to the details. You can answer something like: “Of course, I decided! I love mathematics since childhood! ” And to transfer the conversation to the interlocutor: “Where did you study? why did you choose your profession? Did it meet your expectations? ” The conversation was immediately animated. After all, adults are so rarely asked about this!
The scene is away. Laid table. The hostess did her best to prepare food. Hot – baked trout in Provencal herbs. But your daughter doesn’t eat fish. What to do? Her right to be limited to a salad or side dish. Perhaps no one will focus on this. No need to “out of politeness” knead a piece of fish on a plate, let alone stuff it into yourself! And what if the hospitable hostess considers it her “duty” to feed your daughter at all costs? “Why don’t you eat? Look how thin she is! Come on, take a fish! ” In this case, you should calmly answer: “The fish looks very appetizing! I am sure that it is very tasty. But I don’t eat fish. ” If a child has an allergy, you can say so. Explain to your daughter that it is okay to refuse politely. So she will not offend the hostess and harm herself.
History of Life
When I was in my first year, I remember that after the lecture, my friend and I went to visit her grandmother. We were terribly hungry. Grandma offered us tea and sandwiches. And suddenly I noticed that the doctor’s sausage … well, it turned slightly green, or something. But she was ashamed to say about it. But my friend acted very wisely: “Granny, the sausage has already gone bad. Let’s put some jam on the bread. ” And we drank tea with jam sandwiches. No harm done. Moral – there is a way out of any stupid situation!
The circle of communication of our teenagers is very wide. These are classmates, peers, neighbors, friends on a sports team, and so on. Birthday invitations come in quite often. Does your son or daughter accept everything with equal pleasure and enthusiasm? Or does he go to some events “because he was invited”? Talk about it. Explain to your teenager not to accept “courtesy” invitations. Simple arithmetic calculations can show how much this “politeness” costs your family. For example, on average, a gift to a classmate costs one thousand rubles. There are thirty people in the class. Total – thirty thousand. Compare this to your salary or your family’s total income. Ask: what does he think, on what else, besides gifts, you can spend this amount? Compare, for example, with spending on a trip to the sea and so on.
Discuss who the son or daughter considers his close friends? Whom would they like to congratulate from the bottom of their hearts? Who would they like to see at their birthday party? Help your teenager avoid the “psychological trap” when some “out of politeness” invite, and others “out of politeness” come. As a result, both sides are wasting time.
There is no need to make excuses, it is enough just to thank for the invitation, but to say that you will not come.
History of Life
Our classmate Lena got married and moved to another city. At parting, she handed everyone wedding invitations. And the girls began to discuss what to wear, what to give. I immediately said that I would not go. “How? This is inconvenient! We were all invited, ”my fellow students pestered me. But my opinion was this: Lena invited us “out of politeness.” You don’t have to accept the invitation. We will most likely never see each other again. And I certainly won’t invite her to my wedding. Therefore, it is “uncomfortable” for me to accept her invitation. I’ll have to spend money on a new dress, shoes and a gift. But my refusal will not cause any inconvenience to Lena.