To which of us the children did not give promises: remove toys, do homework, return from a walk on time. But promises are like smoke in the wind. We get upset, angry, and threaten to lose confidence. The kid nods, promises not to fail next time and keep his word, but … again it does not work. How to be?
Ozhegov’s dictionary says: “A promise is a voluntary commitment to do something.” In real life, promises are often formulated by adults: “Promise that you will not be …”, “Promise that you will do …”. The child has no choice but to agree: “I promise” or even just “Uh-huh”. Often this happens in general only to be left behind. Since the initiative comes from the parents, it is not always easy for children to keep their promises.
Moral: it is important not to formulate promises for the child, he must come to this on his own.
Why doesn’t the child keep his word? There may be several reasons.
– The child can sincerely believe that he will keep his promise, but due to the fact that he still does not know how to evaluate his strengths, he breaks the promise.
– The child can just forget. The fact is that children often make a promise while watching cartoons or playing games. At this moment, they simply ignore the words of their mother and nod to get away from them faster.
– Even an adult can find it difficult to resist something under the influence of others, let alone a child. Therefore, the child may give you a promise not to buy, for example, gum or chips, but, looking at friends, he will not be able to keep his word.
– It happens that the child gives the word only in order not to disappoint the parents, not fully understanding the task assigned to him. For example, he promises to receive only “fives”.
– The kid may not keep his promise, because he was imposed on him. If he was made to promise to remove the toys, he will. But if a favorite cartoon suddenly starts, the promise will be immediately forgotten.
How to teach a child to keep his word?
– You need to start from early childhood.
You can play a game with your child: you promise each other something and do it. Assignments should be simple. It is important that in this game the child understands the connection between “giving a word – keeping a promise.”
– Be an example.
Make sure to keep your promises to children, even the smallest ones. The child copies the behavior of the parents.
– Do not ask your child to make promises that he cannot keep.
Do not demand to give the floor, but rather ask him: “I beg you, try not to get into a puddle, do not wallow in the snow,” “Try not to forget your diary, notebook,” etc. Even if the child promises and tries with all his might to fulfill the promise , circumstances may prevent him.
– Talk to your children more often about the importance of keeping promises.
Explain to your child that you cannot promise what he cannot fulfill. Also, he cannot promise something for another person. Here you can give examples from your own life, read a story or a fairy tale, depending on the age of the child.
– Teach your child to be honest with himself and make promises to himself.
So he will learn to set goals for himself and successfully achieve them. You, as parents, must control, remind, and be sure to encourage his behavior. It is important for a child to feel the importance and responsibility for this word.
– You shouldn’t make promises about grades from schoolchildren.
Many schoolchildren give themselves and others a promise to study only for the “five”. Start with something else – discuss the regime of the day and rest, determine the time for homework, establish the rules that the student undertakes to follow. This will lead to more realistic results.
– Be sure to praise your child if he kept his promise.
If the child failed to keep the promise, then it is necessary to discuss why this happened. This will help him in the future to be more attentive to himself and his words.
So, in order to get the child to fulfill his promises, you need to clearly formulate your requests. Before asking for something, distract your child from the games and draw his attention to yourself. Also, the best option would be if the child himself understands, for example, why the toys need to be removed. In case the child did not keep his word, it is worth scolding him precisely for the unchecked promise, and not for the scattered things. Well, it is equally important to teach the child not only to keep his word, but also to evaluate his strengths. Indeed, sometimes it is better to insist on your own, explaining the reason for the refusal, than to give an impracticable promise.