Modesty and tact are, of course, good. However, you must remember that in order to succeed in life, you need to have your own opinion on various issues, as well as be able to express and defend your point of view. And you need to learn this from childhood. It depends on whether the parents take into account the opinion of their crumbs, whether they are allowed to make some decisions on their own, whether he will have his own opinion in the future or whether he will become a follower.
– Well, who is he like? – regrets my friend Ira, mother of five-year-old Timofey. – Today, while walking in the kindergarten, I threw my hat into a puddle. I ask why, he says, Ilya said so. He obeys this Ilya in everything!
How to get rid of such a statement? To do this, you need to instill in the child a sense of self-worth. And the confidence that his own opinion, the opinion of a little person is just as important as someone else’s. Even an adult. And also the ability to defend this very opinion.
First, consider whether you are allowing your child to make the decisions that the family makes and supports. For example, he chooses where you go on the weekend, he comes up with a script for his birthday or expresses his wishes for food. Can he choose clothes on his own, decide who to play with? If all this is difficult for him, it’s time to start acting.
To prevent the child from growing up as a weak-willed and passive person, psychologists advise parents to adhere to several rules. They are simple, but for some reason they are always forgotten.
1. Do not impose your opinion on the child and always be interested in his preferences.
If you ask the question, what kind of T-shirt (dress) he wants to wear, after receiving an answer, agree with his choice. If you see that the choice is clearly inappropriate, explain the reason (with a reason), and suggest other options.
By the way, this will help to cope with such a problem as children’s whims. For example, a child does not want to go to kindergarten. You ask if he will wear a penguin T-shirt or a checkered shirt today. The child switches to the problem of choice, and the hysteria about the kindergarten comes to naught.
2. Advise, but right. Push for a decision, but don’t decide for it.
This should be just advice, tips, but in no case swearing. Otherwise, the child will have a negative attitude towards parental advice. Yes, yes, after a few years it will be eye-rolling at the ceiling just at the sound of your voice. Regardless of the quality of the advice.
You can just hint that he is not making the best choice in this case, and immediately explain why and how he should act in such a situation. But if he insists on his own, then there will be some consequences for which he will have to bear responsibility. And then let the kid decide for himself how to do it right.
3. Listen to the child – and hear.
Listening is not only about hearing the sound of a voice, individual words and whole phrases. It is important to understand the speaker, and not only the meaning, but also the child’s perception of the given topic, his feelings and emotions. Give your child feedback: he must understand that you hear him, you are interested in his opinion. And in no case do not cut him off in mid-sentence: “In short, we do this …”
4. Never answer a child’s question with the phrase: “Because I said so!”
First, this formulation does not explain to the child why it is necessary to act this way and not otherwise. Secondly, if he gets used to the fact that only mom (dad) decides everything, what kind of personal opinion can we talk about? He will understand that it is much easier to take a ready-made solution and stupidly follow the instructions.
5. Let it be in charge.
Let the little one “turn in the boss” and decide something for the whole family. In this case, of course, we are not talking about any serious issues or problems. Here we are talking about things like, for example, walking together. Let your child choose where the whole family will go on the weekend. So the baby will feel that his opinion is really appreciated and taken into account.
6. Talk to your child on an equal footing – without sarcasm and irony.
Depending on how you talk to your child, when he shares his thoughts with you, talks about something, it depends whether he wants to continue to do so. Perhaps his feelings seem silly to you, but in any case, do not scoff at them. Psychologists also advise not to pat the child on the head or shoulder, for children all this is a pronounced neglect. Like patting a dog’s neck.
Why is all this necessary? Then, so as not to fall under bad influence in the future. After all, if a child understands that his opinion is not an empty phrase, it means that he will be able to defend this very opinion later. And it doesn’t matter where it will be: in communication with peers, in a school discussion or at work. And most importantly, the baby will not be driven, blindly following someone else’s example.