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Hello! Almost every parent wants to see their baby successful, the best. To be proud of him and rejoice at how capable and smart he turned out to be.
At any time, the ability not only to adapt, but also to «punch» one’s way has been valued and is still valued. Overcoming life’s obstacles in order to meet various needs. Those who know how to lead usually have power and opportunity.
Therefore, today we will look at how to teach a child to be a leader so that he can surely realize himself in this life.
Why do you need this?
Before embarking on the active “nurturing” of a leader, think about what specific needs of your own you want to satisfy in this way? Why is it so imperative that the child meet your expectations?
The fact is that too high ambitions of parents often «maim» their children. Because, not being realized on their own, they, seeing a continuation in their child, try to get what they want at his expense. For example, recognition, attention.
Or the other extreme: all their lives, getting out of their skin and reaching unprecedented heights, they want all family members to comply. Forgetting that people are different, so even highly motivated and active people can have children that are completely passive. With other values, interests, desires and, in general, personal characteristics.
So, if the idea of making your baby a leader literally captured you — stop, take a breath — exhale and switch to yourself.
Demanding from him the impossible or simply what he does not want, you will discourage him from developing, learning, provoking a protest. Which will be expressed in completely opposite actions and deeds. Just the kind you don’t want to see.
You also run the risk of suppressing the aspirations and talents of the baby. He can even start to get seriously ill, already with the help of somatic symptoms, try to reach out to the minds of his parents so that they leave him alone.
Leadership is initiative, the ability to take responsibility. And when a child is constantly pulled, forced to act and denied his true identity — do you think he will become happy and successful?
Therefore, if dad dreamed of becoming a football player all his life, you should not give the baby to training. Especially if he likes to dance and not run with the ball. You can’t really do it, «blind» the leader. But it is in your power to support and help to discover, develop those qualities that this concept includes.
What to do?
Criticism is for development
If a person perceives criticism as an opportunity to realize their mistakes and correct them in order to improve the result, this is already half the success. Therefore, children do not need to be shamed or blamed, but constructively, without humiliating their personality and ability to convey the necessary information.
Then they will not be afraid to take a step aside, try something new and, in general, act, be visible to others. They develop adequate self-esteem, not understated, as is the case with constant reproaches and demands to be better, and not overstated, with excessive and inappropriate praise.
And in order for criticism to be constructive and not perceived as a sentence, learn to direct it to correct shortcomings, and not to relieve anger and irritation with its help.
When a baby, for example, changes clothes in the kindergarten for too long in the morning, then instead of yelling and accusing him of being slow, say: “You are doing well, becoming so independent and mature. But if you try to put on your pants and blouse faster, we will have extra time with you. Which we can dispose of as we wish. For example, a good goodbye, hugging each other and playing some interesting game quickly.
Which is better, low self-esteem or high self-esteem?
When a person is criticized in order to humiliate, he does not have the energy to become better, on the contrary, he will strive to avoid doing what he received a scolding for.
That is why it is so important not to discourage the desire to take the initiative. Be patient, he is just learning to do something, and expecting him to do great the first time is rather impractical.
Therefore, praise for the washed dishes, even if something has to be washed. He worked and tried. And it’s important to appreciate it. You can say that every time he will get better and better, do not disappoint him in your abilities. Share your experience and secrets that help you do some household chores more quickly and efficiently.
But just praising, as you already understood, is also not worth it. Otherwise, having become accustomed to being the very best, one day, faced with reality, he will fall from the pedestal on which you put him. And the fall can be quite dangerous, with extremely negative consequences.
It is important that the little man has knowledge about himself. Help him to know his character, his abilities and limitations. Only by asking him what he thinks, but without imposing his point of view.
Explain that there are no perfect people and sometimes losing is more important than winning. Because a person who knows what he can do well and what doesn’t work out very well can plan his activities in such a way that it brings him the desired result, and not disappointment. It is impossible to know everything and know everything. Let him not be too strict with himself, like you.
Teach him to rely on his resources and perceive shortcomings as points of proximal development. And not something that needs to be hidden and destroyed in oneself, because it is a shame.
Pay attention to the preferences of your future leader. If you manage to discover in him abilities for something — support them, help to reveal, develop. Offer him those tasks, the solution of which he is really interested in. And not resistance and the desire to somehow get rid of them.
Initiative
A little continuation of the previous topic. If your child has shown initiative in something, support it. Wanted to help? Great, you are very glad that he has grown up and can now share some responsibilities with you.
It is clear that it is not worth placing high hopes on an ideal result. We just support his desire. Decided to do something on your own? Let him develop his own experience.
Do not stop his attempts to be separate, independent, useful. And most importantly, be yourself.
It is by supporting his impulses for action and change that you will teach him to listen to himself, trust himself and not be afraid to take risks. Without these qualities and skills, one cannot become a leader. After all, the one who does not try and stops his impulses to act, hiding because of the fear of losing or disgracing himself, unfortunately, does not achieve anything.
Responsibility
In order for a person to learn to bear responsibility, he must have it. Not just obligations, but the freedom to make choices. That’s when this responsibly appears. I make a choice — I am responsible for it, that is, I myself figure out how to cope with the consequences. I don’t expect everything to be decided for me.
Therefore, it is important to give your child a choice. For example, when you go for a walk, explain that you have a certain amount of money that you can spend on it. And then let him choose an attraction, or a pizza with sweets in the nearest cafe.
After that, it is important to clarify the consequences that inevitably follow in connection with the decision. That is, having chosen pizza, he will not ride the swing with the rest, he will have to wait for friends or family members until their time runs out.
And most importantly, how to deal with these consequences. After all, you must admit, it’s sad to stand and watch while others ride. But if you think about the fact that he had the right to ride with them, it becomes not so offensive. Yes, and they are deprived of the «holiday of the stomach», unlike him.
In this case, you, as parents, will not have to endure a tantrum in connection with the requirements to fulfill every desire. And if he subsequently considers his choice to be erroneous, in the future he will treat it more responsibly. Otherwise, you won’t get experience.
Planning
This is an extremely necessary skill, otherwise, not knowing how to properly manage time, a person will not have time to cope with his duties and, in general, keep things under control. Which, as you know, will not lead to success. Yes, there must be boundaries. Their presence frees from unnecessary anxiety and helps to navigate in life.
Be sure to make a plan with your child, like for a week, a day. And in general, there are some special rules that each member of the family must adhere to. Then he will know how much time he has for sleep, lessons, daily activities and rest in general.
In addition, if you teach your child from an early age to time limits, it will be easier for him to study later in the classroom when he goes to school. That is, work for more than half an hour, take a break and start working again. After kindergarten, such a regimen is not so easy for children.
Study the material about time management, then it will be clearer to you where to start.
Completion
And remember that only by your example you can bring up a purposeful, persistent, and most importantly, a happy person. Afraid of attention, responsibility and being yourself — it is difficult to teach activity and sociability.
Therefore, if you do not particularly differ in leadership characteristics, and in the team you take the position of an observer more, I recommend that you read this article.
But if you understand that your child does not have the skills that you want to see in him at all, learn to accept. Don’t push or demand changes. Not everyone can be at the helm, many achieve what they want, even while in the shadows.
Take care of yourself and be happy!
We also recommend reading an article about speech therapy gymnastics for children. With its help, you will help your child develop his speech.
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina